Run
by SamLani
Summary: The long awaited sequel to "Escape". Three years have passed and many things have changed...How have three years of separation changed Bella, Paul and Carter? How did Bella survive the transition? How long will it take for the Volturi to discover the not so dead Bella?
1. Prologue

_Staring at the bottom of your glass_

_Hoping one day you'll make a dream last_

_But dreams come slow and they go so fast_

_You see her when you close your eyes_

_Maybe one day you'll understand why_

_Everything you touch surely dies._

"_Let Her Go" by Passenger_

The low, sweet melody of ice cubes rattling against glass comforted him. It shouldn't because it meant the whiskey was gone but he knew sleep would soon come. The kind of sleep mercifully absent of serious chocolate eyes, a sad and twisted smile, and silky mahogany hair. Unfortunately the amount of whiskey getting drunk required was cost prohibitive most of the time. Today was a special occasion, the day that would have been her birthday.

"What the hell," he muttered tipping the last bit of whiskey from the bottle into the slightly melted ice. He pursed his lips contemplatively before downing the small amount of whiskey. His lids opened and closed heavily a few times before he felt his fingertips release the glass. It shattered on the hard wood floor but he couldn't bring himself to care about it.

"Getting shit faced I see," a deep voice said. He didn't bother to open his eyes.

"The almighty alpha is here to end the fun," he said. "Too late. I killed the bottle."

"I see that," Sam said. "Ever seen a broom?" He shrugged and settled deeper into his chair.

"Fuck off and let me sleep in peace," he snapped. Sam sat instead on the beat up couch.

"It's been three years," he implored. "You need to let this go. She's gone."

"One day you'll believe me when I say she's not," he murmured as sleep started to set in. "It doesn't make sense but it's true." Soft snoring followed his announcement and Sam leaned back. He may not understand it but the connection between the two had always run deep. In the beginning he had discounted imprinting but as the years passed he had clung to the memory of Bella Swan, insisting she wasn't dead when everyone else had long since given up.

"She's gone Paul," he murmured to his pack mate after covering him with a knitted blanket. "And one day you'll have to face it."


	2. Lights

_I had a way then losing it all on my own_

_I had a heart then but the queen has been overthrown_

_And I'm not sleeping now the dark is too hard to beat_

_And I'm not keeping now the strength I need to push me_

_You show the lights that stop me turn to stone_

_You shine it when I'm alone_

_And so I tell myself that I'll be strong_

_And dreaming when they're gone._

"_Lights" by Ellie Goulding_

Prison would be easier. Though this was a prison of a different sort. A gilded cage. Twice a day they send someone to come poke the human. Vials of my blood are taken for testing. I am a guinea pig-the first human to overcome the transition. No one knew why. The first year was filled with increasingly painful attempts to turn me. My pitiful heart simply pumped it out of my system somehow. The second year was nearly a full year of being ignored. I am sure they were formulating some sort of plan, but outside of the three meals a day placed by the door, I had no interaction. This year was filled with needles and blood vials and tests. According to the human who prepared my meals, Gina, they were no closer to figuring out what was "wrong" with me.

"Arm please," the robot human doctor said. I extended my arm automatically and barely flinched with the prick of the needle. "Done." I pressed the cotton ball over the slightly bleeding area before turning away from the doctor. They never spoke more than a few words and rarely answered questions. A loud bang made me jump and I turned to see the doctor slumped on the floor. Edward appeared, tugging my arm frantically.

"Move Bella!" He urged. "Now! We only have a few minutes. Rose is waiting with a car but she will leave in two minutes if we aren't out there." I obeyed sluggishly, my brain attempting to work out what was happening. He made a noise of exasperation and threw me over his shoulder. I closed my eyes when my stomach rebelled and tried to ignore the feeling of moving much more quickly than was normal. Movement ceased as I was tossed unceremoniously into the back of a car which promptly sped off.

"Keep your head down," Rosalie growled when I lifted my head cautiously to peer out the window. "We literally have ten minutes to get you on the charter jet back to the US or we're all dead."

It wasn't until we were halfway over the ocean that Rosalie allowed me to sit up straight. I had been essentially smuggled onto this private jet as cargo, and I am sure a few greased palms. I knew without a doubt once seeing it that this was the Cullen family jet. The décor was stark and elegant, much like their home in Forks. A stunning redhead in a crisp white uniform brought me a glass of orange juice which I drank gratefully.

"They're going to come after you," I murmured quietly. Rosalie looked up from her book.

"They think you're dead," she said. "While Edward was rescuing you Carlisle stole about half the supply of blood and created quite the compelling scene. One of the Volturi guard will likely be accused."

"Forks is the first place they will look for me," I blurted out. "We can't go there."

"The wolves will protect you," she said. "Luckily their mutt powers should keep you pretty well shielded."

"They think I am dead," I said. "I can't go back there." She eyed me with clear impatience and Edward took over.

"Carlisle is contacting Sam Uley as we speak," he said. "We'll take you to the border and he'll retrieve you. We can't stay in the area but we'll be close enough to make it back in a few hours if there's a problem."

"Why are you doing this?" I asked meeting his golden eyes with a hint of rebellion. "I told you I would never be coming back to you." He looked down briefly at his hands.

"I messed up long ago," he said. "I'm attempting to right the wrong. I can't go back and fix it but I can make sure you are safe."

"Get some sleep Bella," Rosalie cut in. "It's a long flight." Obediently I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. When I woke up it was to the jarring of the plane as the wheels hit the pavement. There was less need for secrecy now that we were back on American soil so I was allowed to walk off the plane on my own. What a treat. A visibly upset Esme embraced me, her hands practically shaking with nerves.

"Let's get her to the hotel," Rosalie murmured. "We can get her cleaned up, fed and then we can head out."

"She looks like she hasn't eaten in months," Emmett chipped in with his booming voice. I felt a smile creep across my face and I hurled myself into one of his bear hugs. "I've gotcha Bella," he said.

"Touching as this is we might want to move it along," Edward said impatiently. "Before Emmett crushes Bella to death." His irritation was evident and Emmett released me instantly.

"Let's get you back home," Esme said guiding me to the waiting car. "Edward and Rosalie will go ahead to smooth things over with the wolves." Once at the hotel I got my first truly hot shower since leaving Forks and I lingered in there gratefully. What was going to happen? Would Sam even believe that I was alive still? How could I just go back and pick up like nothing had happened?


	3. Sacrifice

_Hello my friend, we meet again_

_It's been awhile, where should we begin?_

_Feels like forever_

_Within my heart are memories_

_Of perfect love that you gave to me_

_Oh, I remember _

_When you are with me, I'm free_

_I'm careless, I believe_

_Above all the others we'll fly_

_This brings tears to my eyes_

_My sacrifice._

"_My Sacrifice" by Creed_

"I thought they were playing some sort of sick joke," Sam said from the other side of the border. "But you're alive. I can hear your heartbeat. How?"

"It's a long story Sam," Carlisle said. His hand rested on my shoulder. "But the sooner we get her back with you the safer she will be." Sam nodded almost absently and Carlisle released his grip on my shoulder. At his nod I took the few steps and crossed the treaty line.

"You're not to come back without an invitation next time," Sam said warningly to Carlisle.

"Take care of her and you'll never have to see us again," Carlisle said. His warning was clear. Then he was gone. Sam turned to me with wide eyes.

"I didn't tell anyone anything," he said with slight panic. "I thought this was some sort of trick."

"I would have too," I muttered. "Can we just talk about this once instead of having to go over it a hundred times?" He nodded.

"I'll call a pack meeting," he said. "Come on." The woods were the same and I relished being outdoors once again. Vampires tended to forget that humans needed sunlight to survive. Even I had been shocked looking in the mirror to discover how pale I had become. Sam led me to the back door of the house and hesitated.

"Is Emily in there?" I asked. He nodded. "And she doesn't know?" Another nod. The door opened suddenly and I nearly fell backwards off the step.

"Bella?" She asked right before she fainted. Sam caught her and swung her up into his arms.

"That went well," I muttered following him into the house. Ripples of shock, guilt and excitement flowed through me when I saw Carter sitting at the table. His eyes widened and he staggered to his feet. Without thinking I hurled myself at him. His arms closed around me and I could feel him shaking even as he buried his face in my hair. The tears came then and I became a virtual waterfall. For three years I had been strong, repeating to myself daily to never let them see me cry. His hands were moving, touching, checking I suddenly realized.

"She's real," Sam was assuring him. "She's safe. She's real. Calm down Carter." I realized then that the shaking I felt was Carter barely holding his wolf in check. I tried to step back but his arms locked tighter around me.

"I'm sorry," I murmured into his broad shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." His grip relaxed only slightly and I knew then he was still angry. I knew I would be had he put me in the same situation. I pulled back and this time he released me. His mouth was set in a hard line, his beautiful whiskey colored eyes clouded with frustration, confusion and anger. His eyes softened slightly and he used one thumb to stroke my cheek gently.

"You've lost weight little one," he said quietly.

"Her hosts weren't exactly equipped to be aware of a human's needs," Sam cut in. "We'll get to that. Carter I need you to get everyone together. Don't tell them anything. Just let them know they are needed immediately for a pack meeting." Carter released me and nodded.

"I'll be right back," he said to the room at large before heading for the door. Emily started to wake up at that moment and my attention focused onto her. Her skin was slightly ashen but she struggled against Sam's hold. He released her in alarm. If I had expected a hug I would have disappointed. A slap made my head whip to the side and my cheek stung with the force of it. Sam grabbed her before she tried to launch herself at me again. Her cheeks were red and her eyes blazing.

"How dare you show your face here after what you put us all through!" She screamed. "Selfish, stupid girl! You don't even think of others, just yourself!" Sam was able to whisk her away where she still screamed from the bedroom, but it was muffled enough that I couldn't make out the words. I sat down, stunned, still clutching my stinging cheek. I hadn't exactly expected them to roll out the welcome mat but I sure as hell hadn't expected this fire from Emily of all people. Leah, sure, but it would never occur to me to expect violence from gentle Emily. The door slammed open and I flinched reflexively.

"This better be serious Sam!" Leah snapped. I didn't dare move from my spot or call attention to myself. Luckily she didn't look around before throwing herself down on a chair facing away from me. Everyone else piled in rowdily before Sam reappeared in the kitchen. He raised one eyebrow at my silence but didn't comment. Sam cleared his throat.

"So today I met with Carlisle Cullen out at the treaty line," he began. Leah scoffed.

"Let me guess he was here to beg for forgiveness for breaking the treaty," she said scornfully. Sam ruffled his hair nervously.

"They didn't break the treaty," he finally said. "Bella Swan was never turned into a vampire." The uproar was instantaneous and my chances of going unnoticed skyrocketed as they began to furiously argue over one another. Only one figure was silent, sitting at the table with arms folded over his chest. It was Paul, but not Paul as I knew him before. This Paul looked gaunt, lifeless, almost pale despite his bronzed skin. Then hazel eyes locked onto mine. He stood and made his way through the fighting wolves until he stood right in front of me.

"You're alive," he said in a rough voice. "I always knew…" The room went quiet suddenly as everyone turned to face us.

"Bella?" My name came out from several different places but my eyes never left Paul's.

"I…" I choked out before a finger came up to cover my lips. The next series of events happened almost too quickly for my human brain to process. Paul's arm shot out and I was tossed onto his back. He was at the back door before anyone realized what had happened and a mile down the road before anyone gave chase. By then he was too far ahead to be caught.


	4. It Is What It Is

_I was only trying to bury the pain _

_But I made you cry and I can't stop the crying _

_Was only trying to save me _

_But I lost you again _

_Now there's only lying _

_Wish I could say it's only me._

"_It Is What It Is" by Lifehouse_

I think three years in Volterra has numbed me to danger of any kind. I couldn't even fight or scream as Paul ran through the woods. The patterns seemed mindless but I deduced that he was trying to create confusion for the pack members. It felt like hours before he pushed his way into a cave that seemed to appear out of nowhere in the rock. He dumped me onto the dirt floor and moved around, lighting candles I hadn't seen.

"You're human," he said after several minutes had passed. "You even smell the same."

"They tried to change me," I said quietly. "For a long time. Then they did a lot of tests. They thought it was something in my blood that prevented the change. Yesterday the Cullens faked my death and brought me here. It's your turn. Why did you bring me here?" I asked. He cocked his head as if he were confused.

"To keep you safe," he said as if he were speaking to a child.

"I wasn't safe with the pack?" I asked. That made him pause for a moment but he shook his head.

"You ran before," he said finally. "The pack couldn't stop you then."

"It was different," I said weakly. "I couldn't go anywhere even if I wanted to. Please Paul, take me back before they get worried."

"By they you mean Carter," he practically snarled. "No!" I heard rustling outside and knew they had tracked us despite Paul's attempts to prevent it.

"Come out Paul," came Sam's calm voice but the underlying authority in his voice was clear. "We won't hurt her I promise."

"I won't give her up to him," Paul snarled. It was clear to probably everyone involved which he Paul was referring to.

"It's not your choice to make," Sam said soothingly. "But we can't talk when you're hiding. Bring her out here now." Paul obeyed with clear reluctance. The entire pack stood around Sam, tense and ready to jump into action. At Sam's nod, Carter pulled me behind him, squaring off against Paul who was mid-phase.

"Get Bella out of here," Jared said calmly from Sam's right side. "Go on Carter." Paul-wolf snarled but Sam was able to hold him off with a single look. Carter gently pushed me backwards until we were out of sight before turning to me.

"You're a fucking danger magnet," he snapped grabbing my hand. "Come on. We'll go to my house until Sam gets Paul under control." I let myself be dragged along yet again. What the hell was wrong with me? Couldn't I open my damn mouth and just let someone have it? No, it had been siphoned out of me in the three years I spent in Volterra. The slam of a door made me flinch but Carter just dropped my hand and made his way for the fridge.

"You're mad," I said weakly rubbing my wrist. He had chafed it in his impatience.

"You look like you lost twenty pounds," he said instead of answering me. He opened some Tupperware and stuck it in the fridge.

"They weren't big on feeding the food," I said. He glared at me.

"No funny," he snapped. He shoved the container filled with some sort of beef casserole into my hands and gave me a not so gentle shove toward the table. "Eat. We can talk once you are done." He stood by watchfully until I had shoveled every last bite of the delicious casserole down.

"Happy?" I asked. He rolled his eyes.

"Ecstatic. One pound gained, twenty to go," he said. "Now you're going to tell me how the hell you survived." I swallowed a sip of the sugary iced tea he provided.

"I really don't know," I said looking down at the table. "For the first year they tried repeatedly. Each time my heart stopped but then it started back up again. Apparently the heart stopping permanently means the venom has time to take hold in the body. Mine just…refused to give up."

"What was it like?" He asked quietly. I folded my hands in and studied the wood grain on the table.

"I died every three days for over a year," I said evenly. "Each time my heart stopped pieces of my life flashed through my eyes. I almost missed them when they finally stopped trying to turn me."

"And then?" He prompted.

"They stopped trying," I said simply. "They left me alone for almost a year. Then the doctors started coming every day to take blood."

"They were trying to find a way to make the change work," he said. I shrugged.

"They didn't exactly tell me anything," I said. "The doctors came and went without much more than a few words."

"But they think you are dead?" He asked.

"According to the Cullens," I said. "I wasn't exactly clued in on the plan beforehand." I reluctantly raised my eyes to his.

"I hated you for leaving," he said with an intensity that almost burned. "You tricked me into thinking we were going to run. Then you left on some suicide mission."

"You aren't telling me anything I haven't thought a thousand times over the last few years," I muttered.

"I thought maybe…I thought you loved me, or were starting to," he said hesitantly. "But you didn't or you wouldn't have left like that."

"I'm a runner Carter," I whispered. "And I honestly never meant to get you involved in any of this." He rubbed his eyes.

"I pushed it," he said. "But I thought you might die when we first met. I had to push. It kept you alive."

"And my leaving kept all of you alive," I countered. "If I had said no the entire Volturi would have come. There are thousands of them. No one would have survived. They probably would have massacred the town as well."

"You made an independent decision without considering how it would affect everyone around you," he practically shouted. "Even you can see how fucked up Paul is. The rest of us hide it better. Raven left Jacob soon after. Kim miscarried her child. You broke the entire pack with one bitch move." I broke my hand with one not so smooth punch to his jaw.


	5. Chandalier

_Sun is up, I'm a mess_

_Gotta get out now, gotta run from this_

_Here comes the shame, here comes the shame. _

"_Chandelier" by Sia_

Yeah I punched a werewolf in the face. Not my smartest moment considering the broken bones in my hand but satisfying none the less. Carter was in trouble-big trouble for going against Sam's order to wait to discuss my "captivity" so at least I had that going for me. I, however, was grounded or whatever the adult equivalent was. Basically it was being locked inside Leah's house. Leah who wasn't pleased with me either. She didn't push anything though, probably on Sam's orders, and spent most of her days away. It was like a prison of another sort…until Paul appeared at my window four days later.

He had shaved and obviously spent more time in the sun. He still looked drawn and peaked but more vibrant than he had a few days before. He grinned through the window before yanking the screen from the window while I stood gaping. He held out a hand.

"Rapunzel let down your hair," he joked. Seeing my hesitation he smiled. "Come out to play kitten," he murmured. The old nickname sent an annoying flash of heat through me. I ignored his helping hand and climbed out the window unassisted.

"You're going to be so busted," I said. He shrugged.

"Locking you up isn't exactly the best way to go," he said. "After the last three years I mean."

"Are you going to yell at me about it too?" I asked warily as he headed down a rocky path to the beach.

"I think you beat yourself up enough for all of us," he said. "Come on we better get gone before Leah gets back and wonders where you are."

"So you look like shit," I commented once we were a good distance down the beach.

"Look in the mirror," he retorted. "You aren't exactly ready for the runway yourself." I flushed.

"I was locked in a castle with vampires," I snapped. "What's your excuse?"

"Pretty much the same," he said quietly, taking every ounce of the little fight I had. "I'm not blaming you by any means but unless I drink I have had nightmares about you every night since you were gone. I told them you were alive but they thought I was crazy. There are no records of anyone surviving a vampire attack. You either transition or you die."

"Yeah I'm a freak like that," I said bitterly. He stopped and turned to face me. He gripped my chin between strong fingertips so I couldn't look away.

"I think you constantly underestimate your own will to survive," he said fiercely. "Yeah you fell apart after Gabriel, but you came back from it. I know you credit Carter for that but it was your own will to live that brought it on. We both know you are stubborn enough to let yourself starve to death no matter what anyone says or does."

"Sheer will doesn't factor into this," I whispered. His fingers released my chin.

"I know," he said. "But it fed it. At anytime whatever was protecting you could have failed. Your will kept it going."

"You obviously have strong opinions about this," I said evasively. "But I don't want to talk about what happened anymore. I am sick of talking about it. I am sick of reliving it."

"What do you want to do then?" He asked. I shrugged.

"Just be in the sunshine I guess," I said. "They never let me outside." He bumped my shoulder gently with his.

"I can tell," he joked. "I didn't know it was possible to get paler than you were before."

"You look like you haven't seen the sun much either," I commented as casually as I could manage.

"I spend most days in my cabin," he said. "Easier than dealing with everyone in the pack. Hadn't phased in ages until a couple days ago." We walked in silence for several minutes.

"Why did you grab me?" I asked. He pursed his lips.

"My wolf told me to," he said after a few moments of thought. "You always go away. Always. I didn't think, I just reacted." I wasn't dumb enough to not know that Paul was still in love with me. That much was evident in his every action since I returned. My feelings were more of a gray area. I hadn't allowed myself to consider ever being free again. I had assumed that eventually the change would be successful and I would belong to the Volturi. I vocalized these thoughts as clearly as I could to Paul.

"Paul, I…I never thought I would make it back here," I began but he cut me off.

"I have no motives here," he assured me. "I just didn't think locking you up again was the answer to any kind of problem."

"Sam's going to bitch you out," I said. He nodded.

"I can take it," he said. "And once he sees you with a little color he might change his tune. But we'd better enjoy this while it lasts."

"So tell me about Raven then," I said. His shoulders dropped.

"Jake was kind of a wreck when you left, like all of us," Paul said. "Raven got jealous I guess. Thought he was spending too much time worrying about another woman, even his best friend. She moved out but is staying nearby. The imprint you know."

"And Kim?" I asked in a barely audible voice. Paul sighed.

"She miscarried a few months after you left. Jared blamed you but…Kim flipped on him," he answered. "Told him blaming you was stupid and that sometimes women miscarry. He refused to try again though so there's tension there."

"What's Carter's deal?" I blurted out. "I mean you're not directing any anger at me but he seems enraged."

"Sam gave him a lot of shit," he said. "Carter pushed back because he thought Sam knew you would run. And didn't stop you. The pack has been pretty divided ever since."

"Yeah when I fuck up I really do it right," I muttered. Paul's lack of response was my answer.


	6. Fearless

_Sometimes I'm afraid when you go_

_Sometimes I'm afraid when you come home_

_Underneath it all ..._

_I think I'm afraid when there's nothing wrong._

_But if I was fearless ..._

_Could I be your reckless friend_

_And if I was helpless ..._

_Could you be the one comes rushing in?_

"_Fearless" by Cyndi Lauper_

"Kim's here," Leah said from my bedroom door. I looked up from the book I was reading.

"The prisoner is allowed guests apparently," I said wryly. "Come on in Kim." Kim threw herself at me.

"Jared totally forbid me to come but when do I ever listen?" She asked. "I know you must be hearing things but don't even think about blaming yourself. It was a defect. Even the doctor said nothing could have prevented it. I just couldn't stand to think you might be beating yourself up over something you couldn't help." I had almost forgotten how she tended to say everything that came into her head. But finally someone who was actually happy to see me. It was a nice change.

"Calm down," I scolded. "I'm fine. I know it wasn't my fault. Paul already set me straight." Kim scowled.

"Carter shouldn't have said what he did," she said severely. "I know you well enough to know you are harder on yourself than anyone else could ever be."

"He has a right to be angry," I said. "I don't want to take away anyone's feelings."

"They shouldn't have you locked up," she insisted. "They are acting no better than those vampire king freaks." I smiled at her description of the Volturi.

"Paul has been sneaking me out," I said quietly. "So at least I get to see the sun here. Have you seen Raven?" Kim's lips pressed into a thin line and she shook her head.

"She refuses to see anyone," she answered. "She's angrier than all of us combined I think. But that's for Jacob to worry about. I think you have plenty to handle without taking everything else on." I laughed hollowly.

"Like I could do anything from here anyways," I said. Kim laughed.

"At least you haven't lost your humor," she said. "Now enough with all this. Want to watch a movie?" We spent the next several hours watching one chick flick after the other until Kim declared she was too tired to watch another one. She gave me a quick hug before heading out for the night.

"Not everyone forgives as easily as her," Carter's deep voice said from the doorway. I didn't bother to look up from putting the DVDs away.

"If you're here to pick a fight just go away," I said wearily. My body was still adjusting to doing more than laying around for 23 hours a day.

"Sam called a pack meeting," he said. "And apparently you are required to attend." His implication was clear in his tone: in his eyes I wasn't a pack member.

"Fine," I said. "I'm assuming I need some sort of bodyguard?" He rolled his eyes.

"Why else would I be here?" He snapped. I bit back a retort and followed him outside. Leah was nowhere to be seen. I bit back any questions, knowing I would only get an angry retort. If I was honest with myself I couldn't blame him for his reaction. I did make a decision. I chose to deceive him. Though my intentions were pure, I couldn't fault him for being angry with my choice. If it had been me I would have been just as angry, if not angrier. Not for the decision, mind you, but for not being consulted about the decision.

"She's free!" Jared joked half-heartedly when he saw me. Kim's glare made the stupid smile fade from his face. Jake was there as well but Raven wasn't. Emily avoided my gaze when she came in, though she handed me a muffin from the overflowing basket before putting it on the table.

"We heard from the Cullens again," Sam said suddenly. The practically non-existent chatter faded to nothingness. "The Volturi seems to have decided Bella is in fact dead. One of their own was executed for the crime. At this point they are not a threat."

"This means I can leave, right?" I asked. Carter and Paul both growled low in their throats. Sam sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"It means you are safer today than you were yesterday," he said. "But I still don't think it is a good idea to leave the reservation." I rolled my eyes.

"This is getting a bit out of hand," I said quietly. "I have to work or get back to life or something. I am going nuts stuck in a house all day."

"She can come work at the school," Kim interjected. "They've been looking for someone to handle the library area and computer labs."

"Well it is still on the reservation technically," Leah commented.

"I don't see why not," Sam said with a shrug.

"She can crash in my old place," Embry said surprising us all. "I'm never there anyway."

"It's an option," Sam said slowly. Paul cut in.

"She needs a place of her own Sam," he said in my defense. "It isn't fair to force her to live with any of us."

"Thank you," I muttered sarcastically but Sam heard.

"The last time you lived alone you woke up next to a dead man," he said sternly. "So forgive me if I am not eager to cover up another crime scene."

"For fuck's sake," Carter exploded. "Who cares? She'll still be on the reservation. Let her live her life as normally as fucking possible. It's not like she's a damn imprint or anything!" He really knew how to hit where it hurt. White hot pain stabbed my heart at his explosive tirade. He'd hit a nerve and by the smug look on his face he knew it. He had been trying to hurt me. I lifted my chin defensively.

"He's right Sam," I said shakily. "I am not an imprint. You're bound to protect me only because of Charlie and I get that. So let me move into Embry's old place. I will try to stay out of the way and out of trouble."


	7. All of the Stars

_So open your eyes and see_

_The way our horizons meet_

_And all of the lights will lead_

_Into the night with me_

_And I know these scars will bleed_

_But both of our hearts believe_

_All of these stars will guide us home_

"_All of the Stars" by Ed Sheeran_

Sam relented in the end. Even Emily joined my cause, much to my surprise, and a week later I was quietly moved into Embry's two bedroom cabin. As promised, Kim got me the job working at the private reservation school, and life slipped into a comfortable, if not boring routine. To break up the monotony I worked on deep cleaning the cabin and redecorated a little bit.

The pack left me alone. Occasionally I would see the flash of a wolf in the treeline but when I looked again no one was there. Maybe I was better off alone. I don't know that I was ever built to be a part of something bigger than myself. That was thrust upon me by falling in love, repeatedly, with those who weren't right for me. I thought of Gabriel a lot in the first few months of living in the cabin. Being with a human had been so much easier than any of my supernatural relationships. There was nothing riding on it. But his death, and the death of my co-workers, hadn't been worth those few moments of happiness. I couldn't sacrifice anyone else. A knock on the door drew me from my morose thoughts.

"Jake said I could find you here," Raven said awkwardly when I froze in the doorway. I gestured for her to come in and she stepped into the living room.

"I don't know what to say," I murmured. She laughed nervously.

"Me either," she admitted. "Then again for a long time we thought you were dead."

"Apparently I am way too hard to kill," I said. "Which is good I guess depending on how friendly you are feeling and if you have a knife." She laughed at my lame joke and I relaxed slightly.

"I wanted to see for myself," she said. "And to tell you that I agree with what you did." She shocked me into silence and I sank onto the arm of a worn recliner. She settled onto the couch without invitation. "I would have done the same."

"I'm sure that went over well with the pack," I managed to say. She gave me a half smile.

"Jake and I split over it," she said sadly. Her eyes looked…empty. "I defended you. I knew you weren't doing it to be some kind of hero. You were trying to save us the way we were trying to save you. To me it's simple. I think they took it as some kind of insult to their wolfish talents."

"When I was In Volterra I saw over six hundred vampires," I said. "All have talents like the Cullens. It would have been like swatting flies for them to eliminate everyone on the entire reservation." She nodded.

"I know," she said. "Unlike everyone else I paid attention to the histories."

"You need to make up with Jake," I said firmly. Her eyes rose to mine in surprise. "The imprint is cemented. You can't be apart permanently. I am back. I am alive. And I don't want anyone to fight about me anymore." Her shoulders sagged.

"I don't even know how to talk to him anymore," she admitted. "We've been apart for so long." I placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Your heart hasn't forgotten how," I reminded her gently. "You struggle like I do with logic and love. Go with love for once." I knew as she left that she would do as I asked. That was one tiny fence mended. I couldn't fix everything but I could put tiny pieces together. I could help from afar, when they would let me. Raven was right, I made the decision I thought was best for the time. A voice made me jump.

"Someone is playing cupid," Carter said from the doorway.

"I'm too tired to argue," I said kicking off my shoes.

"I'm not here to argue," he said. "I'm here because I am ready to talk."

"I think you've said enough," I mumbled. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned into the door frame.

"I came to say I was hard on you," he said. "I was hard on you because I thought we had become close. I don't take every skinny, haunted white girl to bed with me you know." I half smiled at his small joke.

"I know," I said. His stance softened slightly.

"I thought you trusted me more than you did," he said. "It was my mistake and not yours." I sighed.

"I won't apologize," I said. "Ever. I did the only thing I could do at the time to protect everyone. I still don't think one life, even mine, is worth hundreds." He inclined his head once.

"Those who love you might disagree but I can see your point," he said.

"You were the one I thought would understand," I said suddenly. I stood and started pacing. "You were a soldier Carter. You know that sometimes the death of one person can save everyone else."

"Logically I know that," he said quietly. "The heart isn't logical." Impulsively he reached out a hand and I took it without hesitation. After a moment he tugged gently and pulled me into the strong circle of his arms. I still wasn't used to as much contact but his warmth felt good.

"I missed you," I confessed into the soft skin of his neck. "I thought about you almost every day."

"Almost?" He teased. I smiled into his skin and tightened my grip on him.

"You know how they say when you die your life flashes before your eyes?" I asked.

"Yeah…" he said sounding confused.

"I died a lot," I said. My hands shook slightly. "You were always there in my last memories."


	8. I Won't Give Up

_And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend_

_For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn_

_We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in_

_I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am. _

"_I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz_

"I thought it would be Paul," Kim said petulantly a few days later. I had reluctantly agreed to a "girls night in" with her and Raven. They were currently attacking my toenails with fuchsia nail polish.

"My money was always on Carter," Raven said. "Paul is…volatile."

"It's not like we're together," I said in exasperation. "We're just not warring anymore."

"He's in love with you," Raven said baldly. "He has been since the day he saw you."

"Paul is too," Kim said. "For way longer too."

"I don't need romance complicating my life," I said. "Seriously."

"Carter is the more logical choice," Raven said, clearly ignoring me completely. "He has always been more stable than Paul."

"Paul had it hard," Kim argued. "And he hasn't so much as looked at a girl in like years."

"Don't you miss sex?" Raven asked me. "God I missed sex while Jake and I were apart."

"I'm surprised you separated pelvises long enough to come over," Kim said peevishly. "Of course she misses sex."

"Who was better in bed?" Raven asked. I rolled my eyes but she poked me. I rolled my eyes.

"They were different from each other completely," I said evasively. "I only slept with Carter the once."

"Paul's bigger," Kim said ignoring my gasp. "And he certainly had the experience to back his game."

"Sex with Paul was good," I said. "But there was always something missing. I couldn't put my finger on it until I slept with Carter. There wasn't a ton of emotion attached to it."

"Empty orgasms," Raven said helpfully. "I bet it wasn't like that with Carter."

"I really don't want to talk about this," I said.

"Too bad," Kim said. "Spill."

"Carter was more open," I said. "It made it easier to connect."

"Paul was probably still better," Kim said.

"Like I said they are very different," I said. "Can we talk about someone else's sex life now?"

Hours later I lay awake in bed. Kim and Raven were curled into the king sized bed with me and I just couldn't sleep. I slipped out of bed and tiptoed in bare feet to the kitchen. I boiled water impatiently and then took a tea bag and the mug out to the porch. It was a cool, slightly breezy night and I shivered slightly before wrapping my hands around the hot mug.

"It's 2 in the morning," Carter said from the shadows. I lifted one shoulder and then dropped it.

"Kim hogs the covers and Raven snores," I said. "What are you doing out?"

"I worked late tonight and then went for a run," he said coming out of the shadows.

"We had a girls night," I said. "They drank too much vino."

"You look tired," he said approaching me on the porch. He was shirtless, as was typical for the wolves, with bare feet.

"I'm always tired," I said. "I don't sleep well even without drunk girls in my bed." He smirked.

"So what does girls night involve?" He asked. I wiggled my toes in the moonlight.

"Painting toenails, talking about my lack of a sex life and watching Sex and the City," I said.

"Let me guess," he said sitting on the porch rail facing me. "Kim thinks you should go back to Paul and Raven thinks we should give it another try."

"Kim tells Jared everything," I said rolling my eyes. He laughed.

"Yup," he said. "Did you come to a decision?"

"I don't need any kind of romantic entanglement," I said. "They don't care. Apparently they think you two are the only choices to be made."

"Celibacy makes a person crazy," Carter said.

"Explains why we're all so damned crazy I guess," I said. "Paul kidnapping me and you flipping shit on me every five seconds when I came back."

"And you?" He asked. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm above it," I lied. He leaned in and brushed a stray hair from my forehead. My breathing turned uneven and he smiled.

"You're a liar," he said. One finger traced the curve of my lips. His lips replaced his finger in a gentle, but soul shattering kiss. His hands cupped my face gently, the heat seeping into my cooled skin. I brushed his hands away and moved back.

"We can't do this," I said as firmly as I could manage. "We can't go backwards like this." His hands returned to me cheeks, forcing me to meet his clear gaze.

"I can wait," he said quietly. "For as long as you need." I tried to pull my gaze away but his fingertips tightened on my cheeks.

"I…don't know that I will ever be ready," I said. "I think I'm probably better off alone." His hands dropped and he gave me a wry smile.

"I don't believe for a second that you were meant to be alone," he said. "Good night Bella." I wrapped my arms tightly around myself.

"Good night Carter," I said as he disappeared into the thick trees. A blanket fell over my shoulders and Raven took Carter's vacated spot on the railing.

"What are you going to do?" She asked. She shivered a little in the night breeze.

"How much did you see?" I asked instead of answering. She smiled.

"Enough to know I was right," she said. "He's still crazy about you."

"He doesn't even know me anymore," I said. "He only knew the broken version of me."

"So get to know each other again," she said. "It's not like you're dating anyone else."

"I don't know about being sucked back into the pack again," I said. "He said it before. I am not an imprint. I have more of a choice in this than anyone else." She squeezed my hand.

"Then choose to be happy," she said.


	9. Lego House

_I'm gonna paint you by numbers and color you in_

_If things go right we can frame it and put you on a wall_

_And it's so hard to say it but I've been here before_

_Now I'll surrender up my heart and swap it for yours. _

"_Lego House" by Ed Sheeran_

"I'm not going," I snapped at Kim a few days later. I scanned a few books and stacked them neatly on a cart to put away later.

"Everyone has been asking about you," she whined. "Please? Come on Bella!"

"Despite the friendships I have I am not pack Kim," I said bracingly. "It is no longer appropriate for me to be at a pack function." She sighed.

"No one feels that way," she said. "Least of all Carter. You know that he was just pissed."

"He was right," I said. "I'm not going Kim. I have plans anyway." She rolled her eyes.

"Painting the bathroom isn't the same as having plans," she pointed out.

"Fine," I said. "If I finish early I will stop by. Best I can do."

"Fine," she agreed. "With the promise that you will come by for Jared's birthday thing next month."

"Whatever," I said. "Shouldn't you be working or something?" I had a whole month to talk her out of that as well. Outside of Kim and Raven I rarely saw anyone from the pack. Since our kiss on the porch Carter had been staying away as well. The truth was I led a small, boring, empty life. Most days it suited me just fine. I lived for boring after the "excitement" of the past several years.

Later that evening I prepped the bathroom for my painting. I checked everything before dipping the roller into the pale blue paint and running it over the closest wall. It only took about an hour to paint the small room, actually the guest bathroom in reality, and I decided to curl up on the couch and lose myself in a few episodes of whatever looked good on Netflix. A knock on the door interrupted those plans.

"I am here to abduct you to a bonfire," Jake said. "Raven's orders." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I told Kim I couldn't make it," I said. He gave me his trademark sunny smile.

"And you told her you would come by if you finished the bathroom early," he reminded me. "I smell wet paint."

"Fucking werewolves and fucking enhanced senses," I said. He smiled more widely.

"Does that mean you will come?" He asked. I shook my head.

"I meant what I told Kim," I said. "It's not my place. She may not believe it but I am fine here alone." I closed the door in his face, which was my first mistake. The second was not screaming bloody murder when he pushed the door open again and tossed me over his shoulder. Not that I thought it would make any kind of a difference. Who would stop a 6'5" muscled freak, even to help a screaming girl?

"Put me down," I said after he took a few steps. He shook his head.

"Nope," he said impishly. "Not until I deliver you as requested." He did just that, dumping me onto the blanket where Raven was sprawled. She stared at me in slight confusion.

"Uh are you having problems walking?" She asked. I stood with as much dignity as I could manage, which wasn't much considering the situation.

"Someone requested that I be delivered here," I said cooly. "And when I refused Jake decided it was best to carry me I guess." A burst of laughter escaped her lips before she pressed them together and tried to look serious.

"Sorry," she said. "I guess he took me at my word." I pursed my lips.

"Which was?" I asked. She grinned.

"Not to take no for an answer," she said. "I figured he would flash that grin of his and you would come." I shook my head.

"Not so much," I said.

"Well you're here now," Kim said giving me a hug. "Let's get you a beer and maybe a s'more." I shuddered at the thought of the combination.

"Maybe a hot dog," Raven amended. Kim made a face but tugged me away. I noticed most of the pack eyeing me warily as Kim dragged me around. There were a few new faces, no one I knew, and the same old faces. Emily and Leah wore matching neutral expressions but didn't approach me. Obviously I was still in deep shit there. Sam was the one to hand me a beer and he offered me a slight smile. Even then it was abundantly clear that I did not belong there. I managed to slip away while Raven went to get herself a s'more. I made my way carefully down the beach, pausing only to watch the moon over the ocean. It was a beautiful night, there was no doubt about that.

"You look like a painting," Paul's voice said from somewhere behind me.

"How poetic," I said. There was a note of sarcasm that I hadn't intended. It didn't dissuade him.

"So apparently Kim and Raven are taking bets on who you will choose in the end," he said. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms against the slight chill in the air.

"I already chose," I said. "I chose myself. Apparently no one can understand that."

"I can't," he admitted. He moved forward next to me but focused his eyes on the moon. "I don't think it is your destiny to end up alone Bella." I shivered slightly at the heat in his voice. I was weighed down by these expectations. They were like shackles tying me down.

"I've loved three men in my lifetime and thought I loved one boy," I answered quietly. "I have had enough love to fill as many lifetimes. So yes I think I am okay being alone right now. Maybe forever."


	10. It's All Coming Back to Me

_There were moments of gold_

_And there were flashes of light_

_There were things I'd never do again_

_But then they'd always seemed right_

_There were nights of endless pleasure_

_It was more than any laws allow. _

"_It's All Coming Back to Me" by Celine Dion_

"Love doesn't place limitations like that," Paul answered quietly. "And I don't believe for a second that what we shared is over. I think you're scared to admit that I am right." I sighed.

"I wanted more for you Paul," I finally was able to say. "I wanted you to find the right kind of girl to love. I can't give you what you want or need. I just don't know how anymore." He turned and tenderly cupped my face in his two large hands. He was looking better, healthier than when I had first come back. He was almost back to himself.

"Once I let you love me enough for the both of us," he said firmly. "I messed that up. But even when I thought you were dead I couldn't stop loving you. I sure as hell won't stop now." Then his lips covered mine in a rough, demanding kiss that stole the air from my lungs. I had forgotten, or maybe blacked out, the way Paul's kisses could make me feel. It was like pure heat, in its most scorching form, turned the blood in my veins to fire. He had never been gentle, I wasn't sure it was entirely in him, and his kiss spoke of passion and yearnings.

One of his hands dropped to my waist, urging me closer. I couldn't resist, didn't want to resist and soon we were pressed together impossibly closely. I let my hands explore the flesh I used to know by heart, charting the changes and blaming myself for each rib that still protruded ever so slightly through his skin. Our lips parted and I gasped for air. His lips weren't still. They were memorizing the curve of my neck, my pulse point, my collarbone before returning to my own lips. When his tongue coaxed his way into my mouth every nerve in my body lit up like a live wire, popping and crackling with electricity.

"Come home with me," he whispered against my lips.

"I'm not ready to make a decision," I said breathlessly. Careful fingers wove their way into my hair.

"Come home with me tonight," he amended. "It's okay to let yourself feel alive." I couldn't think and in that moment I didn't want to. I didn't want to hurt Paul, and let's face it, myself either. But my severely neglected body was crying out for his touch.

"Okay," I murmured. "But let's cut through the woods. I don't need anyone seeing and judging me more than they do already." He released me but reached for my hand, which I slipped into his much larger palm.

"There's a way to get to my house about a mile down the beach," he said. "No one really takes it though because it is so overgrown." Fifteen minutes later he was inserting the key into his lock and guiding me into his house. He shifted nervously from one foot to another as I looked around. It was simple, as with most reservation houses, but seemed clean and well lived in.

"Nice curtains," I joked. The curtains were floral and framed the kitchen window. He shrugged.

"My mom decorated," he said. "Can I get you anything to drink? Like I have…well water and beer."

"A beer sounds good," I said sitting in a cushiony living room chair. He returned only moments later with a cold beer and handed it to me. I took a nervous sip and watched him do the same. He laughed nervously.

"This is ridiculous," he said. "We've done this before. Many times. With each other even."

"So why are we so nervous?" I asked. He put down his beer and ran a thumb over my cheekbone.

"I'll go first," he said. "I'm nervous because I haven't touched a woman in years. Now you go." I took another sip of beer.

"I'm nervous because it's been so long," I admitted. A smile small touched his lips. He held out his hand.

"My bedroom is this way," he said. I slid my hand back into his, sliding the rest of my beer onto a side table. His bedroom was by far the most luxurious room of his house. A king sized bed with a huge, squashy comforter took up most of the room. He closed the door with a quiet click and turned on the small lamp on his nightstand. Muted light filled the room. He turned without a word and bent his lips to mine again.

The fire that had been momentarily cooled by the walk roared to life again. My body wasn't afraid. It arched into Paul's, fitting every curve of my body into his lean frame. His teeth grazed my bottom lip daringly as his hands grasped my ass firmly, pulling me yet closer. Hot fingers pulled my shirt over my head, separating our lips only momentarily. Strong thumbs instantly found hard nipples and rubbed. My whole being seemed to erupt.

My body certainly hadn't forgotten, I mused. Our hands clashed several times as we undressed one another. Clothes were flung into unknown areas of the room. My hand gripped his cock firmly and his answering low moan only furthered my confidence. This is something Paul and I were good at. That chemistry had been there from day one. We were bad, so bad, at timing. But this, we excelled at this. Hot hands and lips worshipped every inch of my skin until I could swear they became a part of me.

Then he was gently guiding me to the bed, following me as I fell back to the pillows. The crinkle of foil startled me and I opened my eyes to watch Paul roll a condom onto his length with slightly shaking hands, his lower lip caught between his teeth in concentration. Then his body covered mine once more and he pressed into me. There was an aching pain that made me gasp and made Paul pause.

"Are you okay?" He said from between gritted teeth. I nodded.

"It's just been a long time," I said making every effort to relax. Once I did the pain gave way to pleasurable pressure that made me arch into Paul. His head fell to my neck as his hips moved. To say our encounter was embarrassingly short would be an understatement. His hips moved to adjust slightly, the base of his cock grinding into my clit hard. I screamed into surprise as orgasm flashed through my body, my fingers sinking into his back and my entire body going rigid. Sharp teeth sank into my neck and Paul's climax followed mine by only seconds. Tears of relief, joy, anger, hatred, love, and every other emotion flooded my face. He tenderly kissed them away before settling beside me. He placed a finger over my lips when I tried to speak.

"Not now," he said. "Let's get some sleep. We can talk in the morning."


	11. The Heart Wants what it Wants

_This is a modern fairytale_

_No happy endings_

_No wind in our sails_

_But I can't imagine a life without_

_Breathless moments_

_Breaking me down, down, down, down. _

"_The Heart Wants what it Wants" by Selena Gomez_

Warm lips on the back of my neck made me stir. Paul's warmth made me move back, my skin seeking contact against his. I gasped as his length filled me from behind. He murmured senselessly against my skin, his large hand pressing against my hip to guide our movements. Our joining was far less frantic than the first but I still sighed bitterly when we rode out our mutual orgasms. Paul's teeth grazed my earlobe.

"So greedy," he said quietly. His hand moved from my hip to caress my stomach in slow circles. Already my eyelids were beginning to droop again.

"We were supposed to talk," I mumbled. Soft lips touched mine.

"In the morning," he promised. I nodded and let myself drift back into sleep.

Sunlight shining through the window made me wince and I tried to move out of the beam. Pain erupted from my limbs, matching the heavy ache between my legs. Paul wasn't next to me, but the rumpled covers told me he had been recently. Ignoring the pain in my limbs I made my way to his bathroom. After taking care of my more pressing needs I found a rumpled shirt tossed carelessly toward his hamper. I put it on, satisfied when it fell to my knees. On quiet feet I made my way through his house.

"Nice shirt," he said. I jumped and saw him sitting at his table with a large glass of milk.

"Yeah well I couldn't find my clothes," I admitted. He smiled.

"There's cereal in the cabinet by the fridge if you're hungry," he said. "Or I have toast." He pointed to a plate I hadn't noticed, piled high with toast.

"Toast is fine," I said sitting across from him. He pushed the plate towards me. I took a piece of the buttered bread and took a grateful bite.

"So now we get to talk," he said. He emphasized the word talk with a sarcastic twist.

"You sound so excited," I said. He smirked.

"I know what you will say," he said. "And I am not looking forward to it." I rolled my eyes.

"And what am I going to say?" I asked. He shrugged.

"That this will only happen once," he said. "That you are better alone, despite the night we just shared."

"You know I'm not ready for anything," I said. He nodded once. "I'm getting better but I'm never going to be the girl you remember." He stroked my cheekbone with gentle fingertips.

"The girl I knew was smart, sexy and strong," he said. "Maybe you're not exactly the same but you're still you kitten." His eyes were mesmerizing and I found myself unable (unwilling more likely) to tear my gaze away.

"You're the only person I feel like that with," I said. "Even…Carter makes me feel like I am weak." His fingers continued to stroke gently.

"I'm not asking you to make a decision," he said. "Just stay with me. Until you decide." I could feel myself caving in, despite my resolute vow to not become romantically entangled with anyone.

"Paul," I protested weakly just before his lips brushed mine. There was a question there. If I moved back he wouldn't press forward again. My hesitation made him pause but he didn't move back. I could move forward, lose myself in him once more, or I could move back and affirm my solitary existence. As luck would have it, fate interrupted. The interruption came as a firm knock on the front door. Paul swore quietly but moved back, pushing his chair out from underneath him.

"So she is here," Sam said when Paul opened the door. I tried (and mostly failed) not to blush and attempted to pull Paul's shirt to cover more of my body. "Embry was panicking because he went to the house for his watch and she was gone."

"You're watching me again?" I asked. Sam rolled his eyes.

"We patrol the entire reservation," he said. "Embry was going to grab something from the shed but he panicked when he couldn't find you."

"Well she's alive obviously," Paul said drily. I suppressed a laugh, covering it with a cough.

"And just how did you break my alpha order?" Sam asked. Paul glanced at me once and they converted to a heated conversation in Quileute. I tried not to be perturbed and instead dug in Paul's refrigerator to find eggs and a package of sausage. I set to cooking while they had their "private" conversation. Sam's jaw was tense; Paul's brow furrowed in anger as they argued back and forth. Then suddenly, without so much as a nod, Sam left.

"You going to tell me what that was about?" I asked nodding at the door. He shrugged.

"Pack stuff," he said. "You said you wanted to be left out of that."

"What was the alpha order?" I asked. He rolled his eyes.

"Sam told us all to stay away from you," he said. "Because of your request to be left alone. Obviously it isn't working on anyone." I handed him a plate piled with eggs and sausage.

"There's more to it," I said taking my seat again. "But I won't push it for now."

"Good," he said. "What time do you work today?" I glanced at the clock.

"In about an hour," I said. "I better get going."

"But you'll come back afterwards?" He asked. I bit my lip in indecision. Coming back right away screamed "girlfriend" and I wasn't ready to be that. To anyone.

"Maybe this coming weekend?" I asked. He smiled.

"Coming back in the same day doesn't make this a huge commitment," he said wryly. "I know you don't have plans. Just come back. You can even sneak out while I am sleeping if you want."

"I'll be back after dinner," I finally said. Yup I caved. What can I say?


	12. Fearless Thoughts

Sometimes I'm afraid of the dark

I can't find the light in my heart

I can see my hand pushing away

Hard as I can.

"Fearless" by Cyndi Lauper

"Jake and I have decided we're going to get married finally," Raven said. "And I want you to be there." It took a few seconds to sink in before joy filled me. I tackled her on the chair and she laughed freely.

"Finally is the right fucking word," Kim said from the doorway.

"Not all relationships are as smooth as yours," Raven shot back. Kim rolled her eyes and flopped down on the couch.

"So we're going to keep it fairly small right?" I asked. Raven nodded and Kim huffed a disappointed sigh.

"It's in a week," she said. "On the beach. Just family and pack. And you. This event is not optional for you."

"I figured," I said. "Do I need to wear anything special?" Apparently that was the right question because Kim squealed in delight and declared that we were most definitely going shopping. No option to turn down, thank you very much, and soon I was sitting in her backseat on the way to Port Angeles. I hadn't been back since the day Gabriel died. I honestly hadn't ever planned on going back.

"Burgundy," Raven was saying firmly as Kim pulled expertly in front of the entrance to the mall. Unsurprisingly Carter and Seth both were waiting.

"Bella would look better in hunter green," Kim said in a wheedling tone.

"We'll see what we can find," Raven said. "Hello boys. Here to carry our bags?" Seth cracked a grin but Carter didn't even twitch. I knew instantly he must have found out about my night with Paul.

"Bodyguards," I said sarcastically as we passed.

"Don't get all salty yet," Kim said. "Save the attitude for the hundredth dress." I did try on what felt like a hundred dresses until Raven declared one the perfect option. It was green, as Kim predicted, and I trailed them as they linked arms and headed out in search of food.

"So it's Paul then," Carter said from beside me. I rolled my eyes.

"Jealousy doesn't suit you Carter," I said.

"I'm not jealous," he snapped. "I'm annoyed. You could have come to me you know." I sighed.

"I'm starting to wish I hired a male escort," I said. "What Paul and I did is no one's business except for ours."

"He's being ridiculed you know," Carter said. Seth tried to cut in but Carter cut through his voice. "Inside of you for all of ten seconds before losing it."

"You're an asshole," Raven's voice made Carter stop in his tracks. "Seriously Carter leave Bella alone. And Paul too for that matter. What happens in her bedroom is her business and none of yours." She linked arms with me and pulled me along. Kim whistled low.

"Carter looks like he swallowed his tongue," she said with a giggle. Raven rolled her eyes.

"Serves him right," she said. "Making fun of Paul like that. Seriously it had been what three years? Cut the guy some slack."

"Can we seriously stop talking about this?" I asked.

"I second that," Seth said. We found the food court and ate in relative silence. Carter brooded and finally he left with Seth. Back in the car Kim spoke up.

"Was it really that bad with Paul?" She asked. I bit the tip of my tongue to keep from snapping at her.

"It was wonderful," I said. "Yeah maybe it was quick but it definitely wasn't bad. Nowhere near it." She didn't speak again the entire trip home. Unsurprisingly Paul was waiting at my front door.

"So Carter is in quite the tizzy," he said as I waved Kim off. "Apparently his comments on my sexual performance pissed all you girls off."

"Paul I am sick and tired to death of talking about sex," I said unlocking the door. I hung my dress carefully on a beam. Paul followed me in. I collapsed onto the couch and turned the TV on.

"Take your pants off," he said.

"Very funny," I said without even looking up. He moved in front of me and dropped to his knees.

"Take them off Bella," he said intensely. Something in his eyes compelled me to comply. I felt strangely exposed without pants but still wearing a shirt while sitting on my couch. Interestingly enough I no longer cared when his head bent and his tongue shot out to lick provocatively at my core. "Lean back," he said in a tone that didn't allow for refusal. I leaned back obediently and he, quite literally, dove in. The sensations he created with his lips, tongue and teeth had me gasping his name; my fingers gripping his head tightly to keep him in place. He seemed in no hurry to move or cease. The noises were, quite frankly, obscene. Between my whimpers and moans was the sound of slurping, lapping, sucking and his own sounds of enjoyment.

"Stop," I practically begged as his tongue continued to stroke my clit after my third orgasm. I tugged at his hair but he remained stubbornly in place, shaking his head causing me to fall back and abandon all thoughts of stopping. I couldn't possibly come again, could I? Even as I questioned this my over sensitized core roused once more into painful sensation. His teeth clamped gently around my clit and I dove once more into orgasm. He made soothing noises as I sobbed. Moments later he was sliding slickly into my very well prepared body.

"One more," he murmured into my hair. His hips undulated slowly. "Just one more kitten." The nickname sent a thrill through me and my hips responded easily to his. Orgasm was well out of reach for me but I was enjoying the feeling of having him deep inside my body once again.

"I can't," I mumbled.

"Turn over kitten," he said seductively. Strong hands pulled my shirt and bra off before helping me settle into place; draped rather inelegantly over the arm of the couch. I stirred restlessly and he stilled my hips with one well placed smack on the rear. "Don't worry. I know exactly what you need." He drove into me so roughly I nearly flew off the couch. Hands moved hair from my neck as hips pounded furiously against mine. Even so I craved more.

"Harder!" I managed to sob. He complied with a shout, both hands grasping my hips. The sounds now were downright pornographic. The loud slapping gave no mistake as to what we were doing and the wet noises made it clear I was more than enjoying it. Profane comments about my perfect ass, tight pussy and bouncing tits poured from Paul's lips.

"You have about ten seconds to come," he warned. And I did, my head feeling like someone split it open and filled it with air and light. Paul's deep bite to my neck didn't even register until his tongue swept over it. My knees gave way and we collapsed into a sweaty, satisfied heap on my couch.


	13. Stay With Me

So why don't you stay with me?

Share all your secrets tonight

We can make believe the morning sun never will rise

Come and lay your head on this big brass bed

And we'll be alright as long as you stay with me.

"Stay With Me" by Josh Groban

I ran my hands through silky soft hair and Paul's breathing fanned against my stomach. We had moved, very reluctantly, to the bed and collapsed onto my bed. I wanted to find the words to reassure him that I didn't think he lacked sexual prowess but I didn't think my body could take another sensual assault.

"How are you going to sneak out if this is your house?" He asked. I smiled and tugged on his hair until he yelped slightly.

"Knock it off," I said. "You're ruining the peace and quiet."

"Wish we could stay here forever," he mused. "Just send out for food when we're hungry. Stay here and block out the world. Just eat and sleep and make love."

"Sounds unrealistic," I mused. He sighed heavily.

"Fine be boring," he said. After a few minutes of quiet he drifted off to sleep, heavy breathing turning to light snores that tickled my skin. I wondered, not for the first time, if I could be happy long term with Paul. He was as volatile as Edward was unchanging. Before Gabriel, before Volterra…maybe I would have the fight in me to go toe to toe with him. Now, well I wasn't so sure. My phone vibrated on the nightstand and I reached for it carefully, hoping the motion wouldn't wake Paul. It was Raven and I clicked the "accept" button.

"Hello?" I said quietly. Paul stirred but his breathing evened out again.

"You dirty whore," she said. "Paul is still there?" I looked at the dark hair scattered across my stomach.

"He's asleep," I said wryly. "What do you want?"

"I overheard something," she said. "I thought you might want to know but since you're being so charming I'm not sure." I rolled my eyes.

"Kim will be calling soon if you told her," I said. She sighed.

"Jake was talking with Sam on the phone about the alpha order to keep away from you," she said.

"Yeah Sam and Paul were discussing it too the other day," I said. "A little slow on the gossip line."

"Bella you don't understand," she said. "The only thing that can override an alpha order is an imprint." She let that sink in for a minute. "Paul was alpha ordered to stay away from you." The phone fell from my hand and I heard the screen shatter as it hit the hard wood flooring. Paul jolted awake.

"What was that?" He asked sleepily. His eyes rested on mine and his jaw tightened. "You know." It wasn't a question.

"I think you should leave," I heard myself saying. "Please." I wanted to smack myself when my voice shook. Instead his arms wrapped around me, pulling my head to his shoulder, pulling us both onto the bed.

"It doesn't have to mean anything," he said quietly but urgently. "We're still us."

"It changes everything!" I snapped. "Everything."

"Tell me how," he said. "How Bella? Would you care more or less if you had known?"

"You're compelled by some ridiculous genetic programming to love me," I said jerking away and standing. I grabbed clothes angrily. "It's not a choice. It's not real!"

"Are you going to bother to hear my side in this?" He asked. I shook my head.

"I am going to Raven's," I said. "When I come home you can't be here." Without waiting for an answer I left. I could have driven but I elected to walk, arriving at their doorstep just as the sky opened.

"Seriously?" Raven asked but she opened the door. "Sometimes I think you just might be a coward Bella."

"How long has everyone been keeping this from me?" I asked a stunned Jake who was watching some sport thing on TV. He sighed and hit the mute button.

"Sam only figured it out recently," he said. "The first day you came back."

"And how long has Paul known?" I snapped. He shrugged.

"You know how private Paul can be," he said. "But when you were gone we all thought you were dead. He became…more in touch with his wolf. I think maybe he knew then."

"Why didn't he just tell me?" I asked. Raven's hand fell on my shoulder.

"Because you're reacting so well now?" She suggested gently. "Would you tell him if your positions were reversed?"

"Is it so crazy that I want to be loved by someone who wants to love me?" I asked. "Not because some supernatural destiny dictates it?" Jake slammed his hand down on the coffee table, making us both jump.

"Why the hell do you think he kept it to himself?" He practically shouted. "Are you really that focused on yourself that you don't see it? He wanted you to love him because you chose to. He would have told you when the time was right but he was scared of this right here. Right here. You have always lacked faith in him, long before you stormed off to Volterra. Now get the hell out of my house and go deal with your problems like an adult!" I looked to Raven but she shook her head once.

The walk back home was much less satisfying than the walk there. Paul's silhouette was framed in moonlight. He was sitting on the top step of the porch, shoulders hunched over. He didn't look up when I sat carefully on the step next to him.

"I was just wondering if you would ever stop running away from me," he said quietly. "It seems like that's all I see."

"How long have you known?" I asked instead of responding. He lifted one shoulder and then dropped it. When he raised his eyes they were red rimmed and a pang of guilt hit me in the chest.

"I suspected after that last night in your apartment," he said. "I buried it when you were with Carter. But when everyone thought you were dead and I just knew you weren't…that's when I knew for sure I think."

"Were you ever going to tell me?" I asked. He shrugged again.

"Maybe once I knew you really loved me. That it wasn't just a product of the imprint," he said. "But maybe I never would have told you."


	14. Teardrops on my Guitar

'Cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar

The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart

He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

He's the time taken up, but there's never enough

And he's all that I need to fall into.

"Teardrops on my Guitar" by Taylor Swift

"This is about fifty more shades of fucked up than fifty shades," Kim said.

"That would be a hundred shades," Emily said helpfully. I was at her house, at Sam's request, to "better understand imprinting". This had mostly consisted of the three imprints I knew, the four I didn't and Leah discussing how I could possibly not know I had been imprinted on.

"Shut up I can count," Kim snapped. Leah rolled her eyes.

"So you never wondered why you felt so drawn to Paul?" Juno, one of the newer wolf's imprints, asked.

"We've all heard the stories," Liza, another imprint, jumped in. "I just don't understand."

"If you heard the stories you would know that Paul was notorious for sleeping around," I snapped. "How was I to know I was any different than the chick in a bar he met one night?"

"Oh shut up," Leah said when Liza opened her mouth again. She snapped it shut. "I patrolled with him and I didn't even know. How could Bella?"

"Did you know that she is the only imprint to sleep with her wolf and the imprint not be sealed?" Raven asked. "That is more interesting to me than when it happened."

"Can we seriously just like knit a sweater or something?" I asked desperately.

"Well at least she won't have to choose now," Juno mumbled. I rolled my eyes.

"It would have been Paul," Kim said. "You never saw them together Juno. You still haven't. It's like…bottled lightning."

"We all know how special the imprint bond is," Liza said condescendingly. Kim glared at her as did Raven.

"They're different," Emily cut in, surprising us all. "They have been from the beginning. The other wolves pressed their imprints, coaxing them into relationships. Paul always put her first, even if putting her first hurt him more than anything." She glared at me. I looked away.

"He's hot though," Liza said. She and Juno dissolved into giggles.

"He's the only person left on this earth with the power to break me," I said quietly. Every eye glued to me. "I've always known that. The question for me is how much of my heart is left to break."

"I don't think it works like that," Raven said. "He can't break you because it would be like breaking himself."

"I loved him before," I said. "It didn't work out well for me." Kim threw herself down on the chair next to mine.

"We both know losing you changed him," she said. "I can't say to what extent but in truth you've slept with someone else besides him more recently than he has slept with someone other than you."

"Oh I remember," Paul said from the doorway. He was shirtless, naturally, cutoffs slung low on narrow hips, arms crossed carelessly over his chest.

"Girls only," Emily said. He didn't move.

"Sam sent me to get her," he said nodding towards me. "Save her more like I can see now." Juno and Liza were openly gawking at Paul which he seemed to find amusing. A flash of annoyance went through me. He smirked and I flushed as I stood.

"What torment exists for me now?" I asked peevishly. In answer he pressed a kiss to my temple and winked at the imprints. When we were halfway down the drive he leaned in.

"Run before Sam realizes you left," he said. I stared at him in disbelief.

"Seriously you broke me out?" I asked. He nodded.

"I heard the new imprints while I was patrolling," he said. "I figured you were about thirty seconds from murder so I pulled a jailbreak."

"I don't think I was ever that stupid," I mused. "I know they're young but…no."

"Well apparently I have a high hotness level," he joked. "At least that has been confirmed."

"As if that were ever in question," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"But not hot enough for you to abandon all fear," he said half-jokingly.

"You were listening the whole time?" I asked. He nodded.

"You do know I am not the same guy as the asshole I was when we met, right?" He asked. "Things are different. Circumstances are different."

"You've had time to come to your peace about this," I said. "Don't I get that same courtesy?"

"I wish I could say that you do and you will," he said. "But all eyes are on you now. They will hound and harp until you come to some sort of decision. To be honest I am terrified of what that decision will be if you are backed into a corner."

"I worry this imprint is forcing us together now," I said. "I worry that it isn't just because we want each other. I don't want you as some sort of supernatural consolation prize. I think sometimes that is all it would be for us."

"I think I've proven otherwise," he said. "More than once."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," I muttered. "I'm just…tired." He stopped and framed my face with both hands.

"Then let's not talk," he said. "Come home with me and we'll figure this out together. This isn't something you have to do alone."


	15. Run

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder

And we'll run for our lives

I can hardly speak I understand

Why you can't raise your voice to say.

"Run" by Snow Patrol

I'm really good at fucking up. I've learned that time and again, and I had the scars to prove it. The physical scars paled in comparison with the emotional scars. Was there room for one more? Did I have the space in my heart, on my heart, for just one more mark? Or would one more mark cause my heart to explode, and finally shudder to its final stop? And what would my fear do to Paul if I decided I couldn't risk it anymore?

"You going to lock yourself up here forever?" Seth's voice startled me from my thoughts. "Kim says you've used all of your vacation time plus some."

"It's only been two weeks," I said weakly.

"You look like you haven't eaten in that long," he said. "That's the imprint pulling at you both."

"Yeah what's Paul doing about that?" I asked. I wanted to come off angrier but my voice came out thin and weak. Seth was too close to the truth when he said I hadn't eaten in two weeks. I was barely able to force down yogurt at this point.

"Drinking," Seth said. "He's pretty much drained the entire Res trying to give you the space you asked for."

"What happens when he runs out?" I asked. He shrugged.

"He'll phase," he said. "Then he'll run until his legs give out and he's too weak to phase back. Then the wolf will take over, he'll take out a herd of deer, and run back looking for more to drink."

"And I am supposed to give all of myself to him to fix it?" I asked.

"It's not like that," he said. "You're two halves of the same thing. He'll never try to fit another half in there because he has you. If you reject the imprint you'll try but it won't ever be 100% right."

"Then we're both fucked no matter what I do," I said.

"You're both too stubborn," Seth said. "He'll die before admitting how much he needs you and you'll kill him while you think of every reason everything could go wrong." I could hear the disgust in his voice and I turned away from here.

"Go home Seth," I said. "I'd like to be alone." I heard him leave. A couple of minutes later I felt, rather than saw, Paul nearby. So I wasn't surprised when a beautiful silver wolf emerged from the trees. He stopped hesitantly at the steps and then flopped down at my feet with a pitiful whine.

"Yeah yeah yeah," I said crabbily. "We're all stubborn here." He put his head on his front paws and huffed, his warm breath brushing over my feet, warming up my toes. We stayed like that until a howl in the distance made him rise to attention. With a quick look at me he disappeared back into the trees.

My dreams that night were fitful. Gabriel floated in and out, shaking his head sadly while Edward lunged at me with red eyes. My grave was surrounded by pack members who each heaped piles of dirt onto my clear glass coffin. I woke gasping for breath and was startled when hot arms embraced me from behind.

"It was just a dream," Paul mumbled. "Go back to sleep."

"When did you get here?" I murmured, unable to summon the energy to be angry or irritated at his presumption.

"Sometime between your second and third nightmare," he said pressing his face into my hair. "Seth was on patrol and heard your screaming. Sam told me not to come but…"

"I'm too tired to fight," I said yawning to prove my point.

"You've lost at least five pounds," he said disapprovingly.

"And you smell like whiskey," I snapped back. He threaded his fingers through mine. Warmth and comfort practically seeped into my bones.

"I know you feel that," he murmured. "Why are you fighting this? Why are you fighting…us?"

"You know why," I whispered. "These imprints…they aren't healthy Paul. It isn't natural. People should always have choice-both people."

"We're not natural creatures," he said. He pulled me in closer and pressed his lips to my shoulder. "I am not human. The wolf is a part of me. In the wild wolves mate for life, did you know that? They just know instinctively who they should be with and they come together. Imprinting is just a way of overcoming the human side."

"I'm not so sure," I said. He went quiet and after a few minutes I realized he had gone back to sleep rather than answer. There really wasn't a way to answer. In some ways he was right but I had no supernatural being in my DNA. Maybe I could never understand it, or even be connected to it, in the way Paul was. The thought had me slipping out of bed, dressing quickly in sweats and reaching for my car keys. Five minutes later a tired Emily was pouring me a hot cup of tea.

"So four in the morning is a little early for me," she said liberally pouring honey into her own cup.

"I know," I said. "I'm sorry." She waved me off.

"Please," she said. "At least you have clothes on. If I never see another naked pack member again I would die happy."

"How did you deal with this whole imprinting thing?" I blurted out. She smiled.

"Finally ready to seriously talk about it?" She asked. "Well my situation was much different of course, but it was hard. I don't think I will ever fully understand it. Not in the way the guys do."

"How did you deal with hurting Leah in the process?" I asked. She winced.

"I don't think Leah will ever 100% forgive me for that," she answered. "This love…it's not an everyday kind of love. It is everything. I tried to fight it for a really long time, even after we slept together, but it was way too strong."

"I'm not built for this," I said. "I'm not wired for forever." Her hand covered mine.

"They weren't built for it," she said gently. "Because you weren't meant to be with anyone besides Paul. It's not going to be easy. It isn't supposed to be. Life is messy and complicated and hard and wonderful. Love is the same Bella. The sooner you accept that nothing is perfect, the sooner you can be happy."


	16. We Belong Together

_All this indecision_

_All this independent strength_

_Still we've got our hearts on safe_

_We've got our hearts on safe_

_Someday when you're lonely,_

_Sometime after all this bliss,_

_Somewhere lost in emptiness,_

_I hope you find this gift._

"_We Belong Together" by Gavin DeGraw_

I became voracious for knowledge about imprinting. I spent most of my free time, and Emily's as well, pouring over the old diaries and histories. She was patient enough with me but I felt bad about consuming all of her extra time. The fact was simple: she could read Quileute and I couldn't. I would have preferred to handle it alone but it just wasn't possible. Paul hadn't approached me again. The times between our separations became shorter until three days was unbearable. On the unbearable nights he snuck in and out of my house without being seen. I would feel warm and comforted in the morning but he would be gone. Then the day came where there was nothing left to read.

"What are you going to do now?" Emily asked quietly.

"It's probably time to talk to Paul," I said handing her a tattered leather journal dating to the early 1900's. "I'm just not sure where to start."

"You start by forgetting everything you just read," she said firmly. "It is your heart that matters. And we can read about all of the previous imprints and their wolves until our eyes bleed but those wolves are not Paul. I know you want to put yourself into his proverbial shoes but you just can't. We'll never understand."

"I want to," I insisted. She sighed.

"I know," she said. She grabbed both of my hands in hers and stared at me intently. "Search your heart Bella. You don't have to answer me but do you love him? Really love him? Beneath all of the imprinting would it have been him you chose over Carter? Feel it Bella. Don't think about it."

Kim decided we all had to be with Raven the night before the wedding. The wolves, aside from Leah, were all but banished from the reservation. I was dreading the party, knowing Kim was planning a lingerie bash where everyone bought one thing for themselves and one thing for the bride. It had only been two days without Paul sneaking into the house through the window but the imprint was already chafing. As I drove to the hotel where Kim had rented a suite for the "bridal shower" I wondered not for the first time if the imprint was trying to push me into making a decision. The "right" decision.

I will say the hotel room was striking. Kim had tastefully set up a rack of lingerie on one wall in varying sizes. On the other was a buffet filled with food which Emily was hovering over, rearranging what the caterer left. I dutifully played all of the games Kim planned though I didn't win anything. At Emily's encouragement I did purchase a silky nightgown for myself and a cute lace bra/panty set for Raven. The whole night the pressure in my chest built and I rubbed at it so often there was a red mark on my chest.

"Go take a quick walk," Raven whispered to me. "Everyone is starting to get freaked out by how pale you are looking."

"I'm in a room full of Native Americans," I joked weakly. But I followed her advice, grabbing the room key before deciding to go stick my feet in the pool. I wasn't surprised to find Paul waiting there. I rolled up my jeans and sat on the edge of the pool, trailing my feet in the cooling water.

"It's getting stronger," he said sitting beside me. I didn't bother answering. "We have to figure something out besides me creeping into your house like a stalker every few nights."

"The legends all say that when the imprint is aware of what is going on the pull becomes stronger," I said absently. "Which explains why I never felt the pull before I knew anything."

"You've been studying the pack legends?" He asked. I nodded and swirled my feet in the water.

"And a lot of the journals," I said. "Some of the imprints from the original pack left records. Emily has them all."

"Did it help you any?" He asked. He threaded our fingers together and I welcomed the warmth and comfort he had to offer.

"They can only tell me what already happened," I said. "It doesn't make accepting this any easier."

"It hasn't exactly been easy for me either," he said. "But I think you already knew that." I nodded once.

"One of the wolves in the original pack, Levi I think, had a pale face for an imprint," I mused. "He kept a journal but Emily said she didn't."

"She was related to Charlie distantly," Paul said. He smiled when I looked at him in surprise. "She chose to step away from her imprint for a time. But he followed her wherever she went, even though she didn't know it. Eventually they got married but she was barren so they had no one to pass her journals to. They were lost in a great fire that happened a few years after her death. Levi's journals were a part of the tribe history and were preserved."

"She sounds a lot like me," I said.

"What, a stubborn pale face?" He asked. I looked up at the moon.

"No," I said. "Barren. Carlisle said the vampire venom rendered my uterus completely incapable. Haven't you noticed I haven't had a period since I have been back?" He seemed taken aback by the question.

"I guess I didn't think about it," he said slowly.

"I think now you know why my decision isn't as simple as we thought," I said quietly.

"Why not?" He asked squeezing my fingers. "Levi and his imprint found a way to deal with it. And we both know you're stronger than that Bella. Too strong to give up on something that you know doesn't matter to me. I want you. Only you. I think the sooner you accept that, the easier it will be for both of us."


	17. Skyfall

_This is the end_

_Hold your breath and count to ten_

_Feel the earth move and then_

_Hear my heart burst again_

_For this is the end_

_I've drowned and dreamt this moment_

_So overdue I owe them_

_Swept away, I'm stolen._

"_Skyfall" by Adele_

"I hate these damn heels," I grumbled to Kim the next day. She rolled her eyes.

"You always hate heels," she said. "Hang on though. Your dress is twisted in the back." She adjusted the straps swiftly before handing me the small bouquet of wildflowers. Raven's ceremony was much simpler than Kim's and soon I was resting my tired, heelless feet on the chair next to me. A compelling need for a glass of wine had me rising and limping towards the bar. A flash of movement from a hedge caught my eye. The unmistakable shade of Cullen gold. I hobbled to the hedge, fully prepared to confront Edward. Instead my heart stopped.

"You're dead," I said backing away from Gabriel. It was Gabriel for sure, absent the crystal blue eyes now replaced with liquid gold.

"I was," he confirmed. "I heard Carlisle saying you were back in Forks and I had to see for myself that you were okay."

"How?" I managed to stutter out. He smiled. He was stunningly handsome still, forever frozen in his prime.

"Sam noticed a pulse. It was weak but it was there. I remember hearing your screams. They were terrible," he mused. "I woke up a vampire. The Cullens took me in. The only condition was that I not interfere in your life. Obviously I failed."

"But you're alive," I said. "Well kind of. Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Carlisle thought it would be easier for you," he said. "You made it very clear vampires were no longer welcome in your life."

"He's right," Paul said. "You are not welcome here. Please leave." I could practically feel him vibrating and I reached instinctively for his hand to calm him.

"Please go Gabriel," I said. "I never wanted this for you." He was gone and I turned my face into Paul's shoulder. One hand cradled my head and the other pulled me against his body. I hadn't been the cause of Gabriel's death. A part of that statement elated me. But Victoria's intention became clear and I shivered.

"She wanted me to wake up next to a newborn vampire," I said. Paul's grip tightened. "She wanted him to kill me."

"Another few hours and he would have," Paul mumbled. "He woke up while Sam and Jake were transporting him. Took both of them and three Cullens to hold him back. He still had your scent and was coming after you. The big one, Emmett I think, knocked him out. That's all I know."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"Because I wanted you safe," he said. "Believe me it was hard but I almost folded when Carlisle had to put that feeding tube in. I was too grateful to Carter to even be angry when you two got together. At least you were alive."

"I want to be mad at you," I said weakly. "But considering how many mistakes I have been making it doesn't seem like the best idea." I felt his lips touch the top of my head.

"Is one of those mistakes pushing me away?" He asked. "Because of the stupid imprint? I think you and I both know I love you regardless."

"And we both know I loved you long before I knew about any of it," I whispered.

"So this means you'll stop fighting it?" He asked so quietly I almost didn't hear. "And you'll give this a real chance?" I nodded into his shoulder.

"Why does it smell like leech over here?" Seth interrupted. I pulled back.

"Gabriel was here," Paul answered. "Come on Bella. I actually came to tell you that Raven needed you for pictures."

"So tonight?" I asked as we walked across the lawn of the hotel towards an area set aside for pictures.

"Tonight," he agreed, squeezing my hand gently. I stood dutifully for pictures while my mind raced. Could I really be mad that they hid Gabriel from me? Did I even have that right given how he had ended up? More importantly was I ready to give Paul every part of myself without reservation? Was I ready to give that much of myself and, almost as importantly, accept every part of him as well?

"Care for a dance?" Jake asked me once all the flashes stopped. "For old times sake?" I smiled and followed him to the dance floor. "So Paul looks happier," he commented.

"We're figuring it out," I said evasively. He chuckled.

"Bells, the red on your cheeks tells the real story," he said. "I'm glad you've decided that you're worthy finally." The comment stuck with me until the song ended. Was that the real problem? Had it been hard for me to accept that I was worthy of a love so strong that it could never falter or fail? Paul was approaching me and spun me easily into a gentle slow dance.

"You're blushing," he commented. "Do you want everyone to know what we've decided?" I shook my head.

"Definitely not," I said with a nervous laugh. "They are way too involved in my love life as it is."

"Look at the guys," he murmured into my ear. I let my eyes drift to where Sam and a bunch of the other imprinted wolves stood watching us. "They are jealous. They remember the times they sealed their imprints and wish they could do it again. Magic like that, love making like that, only happens once." His words made my cheeks burn hotter.

"Stop it," I muttered. He grinned and stepped back.

"I'll see you tonight kitten," he said. After a few steps he turned to face me again. "And bring whatever you bought last night."


	18. Let's Make Love

_Do you know what you do to me?_

_Everything inside of me_

_Is wanting you_

_And needing you_

_I'm so in love with you_

_Look in my eyes_

_Let's get lost tonight_

_In each other. _

"_Let's Make Love" by Faith Hill featuring Tim McGraw_

I hesitated in front of room 424. As a part of the wedding, Raven and Jake had reserved a block of rooms on the 4th floor for the wedding party. I knocked softly and waited, twirling the little bag containing my silk nightie on one finger. A couple of seconds later the door opened. Paul was still in his suit, but his tie was loosened and half of his crisp, white shirt was untucked.

"Come in," he said stepping aside. "Is that a present for me?" He teased when he saw the bag.

"Where's the bathroom?" I asked. He pointed and I slipped inside, shutting and locking the door.

"Not fair," he said but I could hear him laugh. I nervously put on the nighty. It was a little sheerer than I remembered but not completely see through. It was more like a suggestion of what was underneath rather than an outright show. When I stepped back into his room he turned. I was rather pleased to see his jaw practically hit the floor.

"That thing should be illegal," he finally said.

"There were skimpier things there," I said defensively.

"Come here," he said impatiently. I crossed the room and stood in front of him. His fingers traced the soft silk and then ran down my skin. "Somehow your skin is still softer." I wanted to scoff but the tender tone in his voice made me bite my lip. His eyes never left mine as he slipped first his tie off and then his shirt. My hands followed the shirt's progress, smoothing over the tightly clenched muscles. He was beautiful. And he was all mine. His hands deftly worked in my hair, removing all of the pins Kim had painstakingly woven through the thick curls. When my hair tumbled over my shoulders and down my back his hands practically dove in.

"Paul," I said weakly. His hands tilted my head back to the angle that best suited him. Then his mouth ravaged mine. If I ever thought Paul held back before, tonight he held back nothing. Lips, tongue and teeth clashed in an out and out, no holds barred war. He nipped my lower lip and I tasted blood. He growled and pulled my lip into his mouth, his tongue swiping over the blood. There was something so…erotic in it that my center clenched with need.

"I love it when your body trembles against me," he said huskily against my lips. "And how your thighs clench when you are turned on." He could be so intense and sweet one second then bold and sensual the next. The contrast made my knees weak. He seemed to sense my confusion because his hands in my hair loosened and his body softened a little against mine.

"Take off your pants," I said with more authority than I felt. I was proud that my voice didn't shake with my lust but his eyes flashed as if he knew. His hands dropped to his pants, which dropped to the floor a minute later. It was one of the first times I had ever seen him in underwear. The tight black boxer briefs suited him somehow though. "Now we're even," I said. He flashed a smile.

"Technically you would have to lose your nightgown for us to be even," he teased pointing at his bare chest. I pulled the silky material over my head and let it float to the floor, standing in the tiny black panties Kim had insisted were all I could wear under my dress without anyone seeing the lines. Although by the way Paul was staring I was pretty sure I owed her a thank you note. He pulled me into his arms, roughly exploring my bare skin.

"How does this work?" I said when uncertainty struck. "I mean, what makes this different?" His hands stilled on my skin.

"It requires acceptance," he said. His touch was softer. He turned me gently in his arms and I leaned back into his chest, closing my eyes. "You have to give yourself over to every instinct. Resist no emotion. I know it's hard for you. You're so much more reserved than everyone else. But you can't hold back. You can't think." I nodded. It made sense. Wolves were all about instinct. Sealing the imprint must have to do with tapping into that instinct somehow. A sharp pinch to my painfully hard nipple made me gasp in indignation.

"Ouch!" I snapped trying to pull away. His hands held me so tightly against him that there was no escape. His teeth grazed my ear and my eyes fluttered closed.

"I said no thinking," he murmured. "Can you do that now?" I nodded and his teeth tightened against my earlobe. "So when I do this…" he whispered slipping his hand into the front of my skimpy panties. I moved toward his seeking fingers and his laugh rumbled through his chest. "And this?" He asked slipping two fingers inside. I rotated against him and he growled his approval. A knock at the door made us both jump.

"Let me," I said slipping from his embrace. I grabbed a robe and cracked the door.

"Forgot to give you these," Kim said slipping a box of condoms into my hand. "Sealing the imprint increases fertility." I took them to not have to explain and tossed them onto the bed. Paul's eyes followed the box.

"I forgot," he said quietly. He pulled me back into his arms. "Are you okay?"


	19. Give In To Me

_I'm gonna start a fire_

_You're gonna feel the heat_

_I'm gonna burn for you_

_You're gonna melt for me_

_Come on, come on_

_Into my arms_

_Come on, come on_

_Give in to me._

"_Give in to Me" by Leighton Meester featuring Garret Hedlund_

"I'm fine," I said. "Just was a bit of a shock." His arms wrapped tighter around me.

"We can do this another day," he said quietly. "At home." I wrenched away from him.

"No!" I snapped. I tore the robe off and bent to remove the fabric masquerading as my underwear. "We are not stopping. And don't you dare look at me with that pity in your eyes!" He held both hands up, this time amusement sparkling in his eyes.

"You're the boss," he said with a laugh.

"Then take your underwear off!" I snapped, still stung by his suggestion of stopping. He sat on the edge of the bed and removed the tight, black boxer briefs.

"Now what?" He asked leaning back against his hands. His smirk was slightly mocking, as if he knew how out of my depth I was. I wanted to wipe his cocky smirk from his face. Smack it off more like. Instead I dropped to my knees in front of him. His smile started to fade slightly and then disappeared entirely when I experimentally kissed the tip of his cock. In a flash I was on my back with a very determined man above me.

"You're an ass," I muttered. In answer his lips covered mine hungrily. I could feel the desperation in his touch and in his kiss. His desperation fed my own. But something inside of me was still holding back. Strong teeth nipped my neck, harshly enough for me to cry out at the pain.

"Be here," he growled. "With me. Only with me." After a few more minutes of kissing it was apparent I couldn't cooperate. He rolled onto his back with a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. He turned to embrace me. I slid easily into his side, fitting my head to his shoulder. He stroked gently.

"It's fine, he said quietly. "We have time." A few minutes later his breathing changed and he dropped off into sleep. I followed not long after.

"She's not walking funny," Kim noted as I approached the breakfast table in the lobby. "What happened?" I shrugged and put down my plate of scrambled eggs with toast.

"I think too much," I answered. "Apparently you can't during the sealing."

"You can't," Emily answered. "Sam and I had to try like seven times before I felt comfortable enough to let go. It's hard."

"Not for me," Kim bragged. Raven punched her gently in the arm.

"You're a slut that's why," Raven teased. Kim mocked pouted but then nodded in agreement.

"Give it time Bella," Emily said gently. "You two will figure it out. When it is time, you may not even know it. It will just happen."

"Where are the boys?" I asked, avoiding the gaze of the imprints I was less familiar with. There was judgment and disapproval there. Maybe from the outside it looked bad, but I knew differently. Paul and I weren't Jared and Kim or even Jake and Raven. We were both more difficult.

"Eating at the reservation," Kim answered. "We didn't think the hotel breakfast buffet would survive all of them." That explained why I had woken up alone.

"Aren't you supposed to be on a honeymoon or something?" I asked Raven.

"In two weeks we're going," she said. "We wanted to wait until I had the vacation time." Kim made a face then stood.

"We should all head back," she said. "Before the boys get too bored. We know what happens when they are left to their own devices." An hour or so later (thanks to Kim and her lack of packing skills) we were headed home. I dropped off Kim and then hesitated. Should I go to Paul's house or my own? Cowardice won out and five minutes later I was parking next to the shed. Once inside I carefully hung my dress and then headed for the shower. Hot showers always made me feel better and I was feeling pretty rotten about putting on the brakes with Paul. I wanted him. He wanted me. What the hell was my problem? I was thinking so hard that I screamed bloody murder when Paul slipped into the shower behind me.

"That's okay I didn't need my eardrums," he said laughing so hard he was almost falling over. I turned to wash the shampoo out of my eyes.

"I was alone when I got in," I pointed out. His hands slipped around my waist and I was pulled back into his chest.

"You were avoiding me kitten," he said softly. As always arousal flooded through me with the nickname.

"I was angry at myself," I admitted. His hands rubbed my skin soothingly.

"I'm not angry," he murmured. "We'll know when it's right. We don't have to force it."

"You've been waiting for a long time," I said. I felt his nod.

"But I know how hard it is for you Bella," he said. "And I'm not going anywhere. Not anytime soon." He held me there under the water until it ran cold. Then he tenderly dried me off and we dug through the refrigerator to find food. I hadn't been shopping in awhile but I made us omelets with various bits of vegetables I found, and the stray ends of different cheeses. They weren't bad either.

"I'll go shopping tomorrow," I promised. "We'll do steak for dinner tomorrow."

"Are you inviting me for dinner kitten?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I assumed you would be here," I said carefully. "Considering how tight the imprint has been lately."

"I have work until about seven," he said after a minute's pause. "Is that too late for dinner?" I shook my head.

"I'm off at three but I need a major trip to the store," I said. "I don't think I even have butter at this point. Seven ish should be fine."

"And I get dinner," he said happily. "And maybe…breakfast?"


	20. Fade Into You

_In your heart, in your head,_

_In your arms, in your bed under your skin_

_Till there's no way to know_

_Where you end and where I begin_

_I wanna melt in I wanna soak through_

_I only wanna move when you move_

_I wanna breathe out when you_

_Breathe in then I wanna fade into you._

"_Fade Into You" by Clare Bowen and Sam Palladio_

There was a knock on the door just as I was melting the rosemary butter over the seared steaks. I had fought with my urge to be frugal and bought two of the more expensive cut steaks along with fresh potatoes to make homemade fries. I shut off the burner and opened the door without looking.

"The steaks are done," I said. "Fries are about five minutes off. Just have to do the second fry."

"Hello to you too," Paul said with a laugh.

"You're the idiot that knocked," I said.

"The door was locked," he said. I focused on the French fries and soon served Paul a giant steak with most of the fries before sitting down with my own smaller portion that also included a salad.

"So did you decide if I am staying tonight?" He asked after about half of his dinner was gone.

"I was hoping you would," I said finishing my salad. "If you want to."

"I always want to," he said with a slight smirk. "What time do you work?"

"Noonish," I said. "The library is closed in the morning for carpet cleaning."

"Perfect," he said polishing off the last of the steak. "I hate getting up early." I cleared our plates then washed them by hand in the sink. I was unsettled by Paul tonight, and there was an intensity in the air that made me nervous. His hands trapped me against the sink and his lips touched my neck.

"Paul the counter is getting wet," I said with an irritation I certainly didn't feel. My body, already so attuned to his touch, was screaming for more contact. He reached around me and shut off the faucet before spinning me and lifting me to the countertop.

"Thank you for dinner," he said brushing his lips over mine. His intense eyes burned into mine.

"Don't think," I said quietly.

"Just feel," he completed my thought. My legs curved around his hips and he hefted me into his arms. He stumbled slightly when I kissed just under his ear but soon dropped me none too gently on the bed. I could see a light around his eyes, a vivid yellow that contrasted with his dark brown depths. Part of me was slightly terrified but mostly I was so turned on I could barely even move. He growled when I moved to take off my own shirt, one of his hands pinning both of mine to the bed.

"Paul," I murmured as I shifted to try to release my hands. Hot lips covered mine in answer. _Don't think, just feel._ It was easier said than done. It was hard to let go and trust someone, even Paul. I knew the ritual required complete trust on the part of the imprint but letting go was hard. Harder than I ever imagined. A sharp pain in my neck made me jump. Paul, or more likely the wolf version of Paul, hadn't been happy with my wandering mind.

"Be here with me," he said. "Let go. Just let go. I will catch you." His lips caught mine again, his body pressed flush to mine in that way that had my mind going blank. My response must have pleased him and he rewarded me by releasing my hands. They immediately flew to his hair and tangled there. His hands ripped at my clothes impatiently until I was completely naked in front of him. I waited for the normal insecurity to come in but the appreciative glow in his eyes made me feel undeniably sexy. I watched him move to take his shirt off, taking my lower lip between my teeth while I waited.

"Now your pants," I said when he stared down at me. "Please," I added. Being the naked one was always unsettling. I could see by his smirk that he knew that. He shook his head and mouthed the word "no".

"Close your eyes," he said. I obeyed without a protest. Tonight was about giving in to everything. Paul's tongue filled my mouth and one hand covered my eyes as they shot open in surprise. I closed them as he pulled away. "Keep them closed," he said in a tone that allowed for no disagreement. I clenched them closed as hands ran over my thighs. I started when his lips brushed the back of my knee and then my calf. It was oddly erotic and I bit my lip again, this time to suppress a moan. He alternated feathery touches and sensual kisses all over my body until I was practically vibrating with need.

"Please," I murmured in desperation. In answer his body covered mine and I gasped as he entered me smoothly. My eyes flew open when he began to move. Sex with Paul had always been amazing. The chemistry had never lacked. There was something different here. This wasn't sex. This was making love, pure and not so simple. My blood felt like I had carbonation running through it. My body felt alive and whole. Sensation consumed me. It was no longer clear where my body, my tongue, my heart, ended and where his began.

"Say you're mine," he urged desperately. His fingers locked with mine on the pillow and our bodies were slick with sweat. "Say you'll only ever be mine!"

"Yours!" I managed to scream out as orgasm screamed through my body. I could feel Paul shudder, somewhere distantly, but my brain couldn't process anything other than reacting to the sensations coursing through me. Dimly I could feel his weight on me shift but I wrapped my body around his to prevent our disconnection. His chuckle made me blush.

"I love you kitten," I heard just as I dropped off into sleep.


	21. Fall For You

_This is not what I intended_

_I always swore to you I'd never fall apart_

_You always thought that I was stronger_

_I may have failed_

_But I have loved you from the start_

"_Fall For You" by Secondhand Serenade_

"She definitely has the glow," Kim said crassly when I sat down at the table with my lunch.

"The glow of no sleep," Raven snorted. I rolled my eyes.

"It's none of your business," I said. Emily brushed the hair away from my neck.

"He bit you pretty good," she commented. "A few times it looks like." I nodded. I refrained from saying what I was thinking: that Paul had pretty much used my neck for chew toy.

"It will heal pretty quickly," Raven said. "Are you okay? I mean emotionally? I was a mess for days afterwards." I lifted one should and dropped it.

"I was a little…upset when I woke up and he was gone this morning," I admitted.

"He probably needed to go for a run," Kim said. "Jared said his wolf felt penned up afterwards. And Paul is much wilder than Jared."

"I get it," I said. "I just felt kind of used. It's fine. We'll deal with it." Raven covered my hand with hers.

"Just tell him," she said. "Though chances are he already knows."

"Jared was reading my emotions for weeks afterwards," Kim said. "It drove me nuts."

"I thought that was an exaggeration," I said quietly. Emily shook her head.

"I'm afraid not," she said. "But it only lasts a week or two."

"Or five," Kim said cheerfully. "I had Jared sleeping on the lawn by week three."

"Jacob wasn't too bad," Raven said thoughtfully. "I think he tried to be aware of not reacting to what he thought I was feeling before I said anything."

"Paul isn't exactly Mr. Sensitive," Kim pointed out. "You drive each other nuts regardless."

"They can just have hot angry sex," Emily said. She clapped a hand over her mouth as we all turned to stare at her. Kim was the first to giggle and we all dissolved into laughter.

"So I got a job offer," I said when the hilarity subsided. "Working from home doing editing like I was before."

"That's awesome!" Emily said. "What does Paul think?" I shrugged.

"I haven't told him," I admitted. "We've had enough going on. Where I work is the least of our problems."

Later at home I waited for Paul. Despite not talking to him about the work situation I had given my notice to the school and accepted the editing job. The money was better and the work wouldn't take me from the reservation. He stumbled in the door around 10 pm, looking exhausted. He was covered with sticks and mud and dried leaves.

"I lost track of time running," he said apologetically. "I'm so sorry." He reached for me but I evaded him.

"Let's get you in the shower," I said. He was so tired he was stumbling over his feet, though he still managed to grope me twice in the shower, not counting the moments his teeth grazed my nipples as I washed his hair.

"You're mad," he said as I pushed him into bed. "I should have left a note."

"It's fine," I said. "Get some sleep." He reached for me and I let him pull me in this time. When his hands started to wander I smacked them away.

"Please?" He asked even as his eyes fluttered closed. He was asleep before I even opened my mouth to answer.

The peace between us didn't last. The next day he heard through the grapevine AKA Kim told Jared, that I had put in my notice at the school. So the evening found us squared off in my house, the lasagna growing cold on the table, screaming at each other. His concern was the Volturi finding me through employment records where my concerned was working part time at a school library for the rest of my life. The anger poured off us in waves.

"You sound like a snooty rich kid!" He snapped.

"Before this I had a damn good job!" I said, stung by his remark.

"And your stupidity got them all killed!" He roared. Grief pounded through my veins and I opened my mouth to yell back but I sobbed just before vomiting all over the floor. He was instantly contrite, moving to smooth my hair from my face.

"That was below the belt," I sniffed after I brushed my teeth. He pulled me into his arms. I pressed my face into his shoulder.

"We're both feeding off our emotions," he said. "We're bouncing them back and forth. It will fade in a few weeks."

"If we don't kill each other first," I said into his skin. His arms tightened around me.

"We'll make it through this," he said. "But we do need to talk rationally about this job." I sighed.

"I didn't use my real name," I said. "Carlisle set up an untraceable identity a long time ago…when they thought I would become one of them."

"You could have said that," he said.

"You didn't give me a chance," I said trying to pull back.

"I'm still angry," he said quietly.

"So am I," I said. We have sex right there on the bathroom sink. It was angry, violent sex that gave me more than a few bruises and already healing deep scratches on Paul. In the end I came so hard I would have fallen from the sink if not for his steady hands. We dissolved into a puddle on the bathroom floor. I bit his shoulder feistily and he tugged my hair in response.

"We'll make it through this alive I think," he said. I rolled my eyes.

"My bruises have bruises," I pointed out. "You may make it out in one piece but I am not so sure about my own chances."


	22. Feel This

_Feel this_

_Can you feel this?_

_My heart beating out of my chest_

_Feel this_

_Can you feel this?_

_Salvation under my breath_

"_Feel This" by Bethany Joy Galeotti_

We made it through a month and the emotion bouncing, as I was calling it, tapered down. The intense connection from cementing the imprint, however, didn't dim out. Both of us were insatiable. We were lucky I had begun to work from home two weeks in because several times during the day he would show up, sweaty from work, and we would make love wherever I happened to be standing at the time. Our nights were hot and sweaty and never failed to set me on fire. Each morning he would wake me up with deep, slow kisses and we would make unhurried, sleepy love before he went off to work. I kept waiting for something to crumble or fall but even when we fight neither of us walk out.

"We've barely seen you in like the last month," Kim complained when we showed up for a pack meeting.

"Leave her alone," Emily piped in. "They just sealed the imprint."

"They should be winding down by now," Kim said passing me a beer. "The bags under her eyes say they're still at it like rabbits." I blushed and took a sip of the beer.

"Paul is much more intense," Emily said with an eye roll in Kim's direction. "I'm surprised he let her out of bed long enough for this." Sam stepped forward.

"I'll keep this as brief as possible," he said. "We're on a high alert. We were just informed that Edward Cullen has…abandoned their lifestyle and is now drinking from humans. They are working hard to keep him away from here but they worry about Bella."

"Even with everything he still wants her blood?" Paul asked. His eyes were worried and filled with fire.

"We have to assume so," Sam said. "Until we hear otherwise."

"So extra patrols around my house," I said with a sigh. Sam nodded.

"Just while Paul isn't there," he promised. "We want to try to give you as much privacy as possible." I snorted and Paul's lips twitched.

"Everyone else just make it as easy as possible," Jared cut in. "We will have to pull extra shifts but if Paul can keep us aware of when he is at Bella's we can save the patrols for other areas."

"And Bella is not to leave the reservation without an escort," I said as Sam opened his mouth. I glanced at Paul and suppressed a smile. "I haven't been that eager to leave my house anyway." Everyone laughed.

"All things considered we should all still be vigilant," Sam said. "We don't know what Edward will do now that he is away from the fold so to speak. Carlisle has given permission to take care of this permanently given the opportunity." It must be serious for Carlisle to agree to eliminate Edward. He was probably afraid he would go to the Volturi. Rescuing me put all of the Cullens in the line of fire. Paul's hand fell to the back of my neck, rubbing gently. The stress slowly melted away.

"What?" Paul asked defensively as everyone stared.

"You're both so calm," Jacob was the first to speak. "It's weird. Normally you would be arguing right now as Bella tried to run out the door."

"We're both learning not to run," Paul said wryly. "It helps that the stupid emotion thing is over. We nearly killed each other the first week."

"My bruises have bruises," I said. "And I am surprised I can walk." Everyone laughed and even Emily nodded in agreement. Carter's expression was unreadable. He had never adjusted to the idea of us together. Jacob said his thoughts ran so dark many of the guys wouldn't patrol with him. Sam was keeping an eye on the situation but Carter had been toying with the idea of moving away for some time.

"We're stealing Bella for the night," Kim announced. Paul and I both turned to face her. If my face was anything like his, they should all be cowering. Kim and Raven weren't impressed.

"You've had her alone for a month," Raven said. "We need a girl's night." I winced. I hated girls nights. More importantly I hated the thought of a night without Paul. Paul bent to kiss my cheek.

"Sneak out the back door at 11:30," he said quietly into my ear. Before I could react he was filing out the back door, shedding his clothes with the pack. The imprints (the number has swelled to 12 outside of the "core" group of Emily, Kim, Raven and I) file over to Kim's house. Luckily in a large group I wouldn't be as missed when it came to sneaking out of the house. Soon I was being attacked with nail polish, some sort of glittery lotion that smelled like strawberries, and a curling iron. There was all kinds of "girl talk" but I tuned out when one of the imprints started evaluating each pack member by the size of his junk. When 11:30 rolled around most everyone was asleep and I slipped out under the pretense of using the bathroom, although Raven shot me a knowing glance. Paul was waiting and snagged me from behind a small patch of trees he was concealed behind.

"You smell like strawberries," he said burying his face in my neck. His lips grazed the skin and I shivered under the light touch. "Must be the edible stuff Jared brags about."

"It has glitter in it too," I said with mock excitement. His laugh was muffled against my neck. His hands toy with the waistband of my jean shorts. Excitement shoots through me and my heart picks up pace. I can feel his smile against my skin. Stupid werewolf hearing. He takes me there in the trees. I can feel the bark scraping my sensitive skin but I don't even care. Everything about me is wrapped in him. He covers my mouth when we both orgasm, drowning out my satisfied cry. He helps me straighten my clothes and then, with a wink, disappears back into the treeline. I return on unsteady legs to Kim's bedroom. Raven hands me a towel and points to the shower.

"Go clean up whorebag," she jokes. "Before Kim wakes up and bugs you for details."


	23. We Belong

_We belong to the light_

_We belong to the thunder_

_We belong to the sound of the words_

_We've both fallen under_

_Whatever we deny or embrace_

_For worse or for better_

_We belong, we belong_

_We belong together._

"_We Belong" by Pat Benatar_

It happened while I was weeding Embry's old garden behind the house. I had discovered it by accident when I noticed the "weeds" looked a lot like some common vegetables. Every day I took a couple of hours to week and clear the patch. Already the tomatoes were thriving as were the herbs. I was clearing out a patch of what I thought might be carrots when cold arms pulled me into an unforgiving grip and wind roared in my ears while trees flew by. I knew without a doubt that Edward held me in his clutches. Even though I knew fighting wasn't ideal I still fought until I noticed my fingernails were ragged and my throat hurt from screaming. I was tossed unceremoniously into a heap of fabric.

We were in an old cabin. It looked a lot like Charlie's fishing cabin but with noticeable differences. It was run down and smelled damp and moldy. Also absent from Charlie's cabin was a stack of dead, drained bodies in one corner. And a vampire psychopath who kidnapped a werewolf's mate. He gazed at me with bright crimson eyes and had a slight sneer.

"You don't smell the same," he said with obvious irritation. "You smell like them." I lifted my chin.

"I guess that happens when you are an imprint," I said. He rolled his eyes.

"We all know your heart is fickle Isabella," he said condescendingly. "I was gone for about five minutes before you ran to Jacob." I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from retorting. He wanted to bait me. He wanted that reaction. I wouldn't give it to him.

"What's your plan?" I asked instead. "Kill me? Drain me?" He laughed and I shivered at the coldness contained there. He paced slowly around me.

"We did learn something from the Volturi's tests on you," he said thoughtfully. "A vampire bite doesn't kill you. Basically you are a never ending supply of my personal brand of heroin."

"Paul will find you," I said quietly. "It may not be today or tomorrow or next month but he will find you. And he won't kill you right away. He will make you suffer for every day that I am here."

"I covered my tracks," he said. He traced one finger across my neck, but his fingers stopped part way.

"He marked your skin," he noted. "What a savage." I held my wrist up in answer. The bite mark, raised on my skin, shone in the dimly lighted interior.

"As opposed to these," I said. "I had hundreds of them you know. This is the only one my hundreds of changes never erased."

"Our former relationship doesn't matter now," he said flicking my hair back from the other end of my neck carelessly.

"Go to hell you sick son of a bitch," I said just as razor teeth slid into my neck. No matter how many times the failed changed happen the pain never lessened. The memories before had never changed. I relived everything over and over. This time everything flashed by but the focus was Paul. My world had shifted and my heart understood the imprint better than my mind could ever process. When the sluggish rhythm began again the tears welled up.

"That took longer than I thought," Edward greeted me. I sat up slowly and curled my arms around my knees.

"If you'd pay attention you would know that the changes took longer and longer," I said.

"I guess I will just have to be patient," he said. "Eat this. I'll be back in an hour." He thrust a bag with a cold hamburger in it at me. I tossed it aside. Where was the pack? Why couldn't anyone find me?

I would ask myself that question a lot in the coming days. He rarely spoke but he grew increasingly frustrated at my refusal to eat. I grew weaker and weaker until he complained my blood was too thin to truly enjoy. He force fed me that night and then the next day was happier at the renewed supply. I didn't resist eating the cold meals he brought from then on. The nights I slept venom free I dreamt of Paul. The pull of the imprint was slowly starting to drive me crazy. When I dreamt I could feel his hands on me, feel him inside of me, and even had orgasms in my sleep. It frustrated Edward even more. His desire for my body ran high but something kept him from even trying.

I thought I was imagining it when the bond's pull released slightly. It was two months in to my captivity. I was drawing flowers in the dust on the wall and thinking that if I ever got out to see the sun again I would sleep outside every day. The tightness in my chest vanished. My heart started to hammer when Edward moved in a flash to the window. His growl of frustration sent elation through me. It was Sam's voice that rang out.

"Get out here Cullen!" He shouted. "There's no way out." In a flash Edward was at my side, tugging me to my feet. He propelled me in front of him, one hand around my neck. Despite the situation the rain on my cheeks lifted my spirits. Sam stood alone in a small clearing. I noticed then how remote the cabin was and how overgrown the building was with foliage. Probably harder to see from anywhere.

"Back off Uley," Edward said with a dangerous edge to his voice. "She's alive now but that can change."

"I didn't come here to talk," Sam said. "There is no negotiation. You took the soul of one of our brothers and you will pay for it." Growls came from all around and I realized then how much larger the pack had become. A flash caught my attention and I was whisked into the trees by someone with cold hands and dark hair. Gabriel. He placed a finger over my lips when I opened my mouth. He mouthed _he'll hear you_ and pointed down.

Edward was being surrounded by both wolves and Cullens. Unlike what I predicted his death was quick. Paul's silver wolf moved forward and he howled before ripping his head from his shoulders. Carlisle flicked the lighter onto his body which was consumed by flames. Gabriel climbed deftly from the trees with me until he reached the ground. Paul's wolf growled at him but Gabriel ignored it, stepping back a few feet. Paul moved forward and his wolf checked me for hurts. He licked my neck (which was gross) and growled at the bite mark. A moment later human Paul appeared in his place.

"I'm here," he murmured. His arms closed around me and I finally fell apart.


	24. Crawling

_Crawling in my skin_

_These wounds, they will not heal_

_Fear is how I fall_

_Confusing what is real_

_There's something inside me_

_That pulls beneath the surface_

_Consuming, confusing_

_This lack of self-control I fear, is never ending._

"_Crawling" by Linkin Park_

I had nightmares for weeks. I woke up feeling cold despite the 108 degree werewolf wrapped around me like a vine. He never let me out of his sight. Yes, even in the bathroom, though he usually turned his back. He lamented my curves and practically force fed me fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, and peach pie. Normally the extra attention would have driven me crazy but now I reveled in the attention. But after a few weeks I became frustrated at his refusal to touch me…sexually speaking. The situation exploded when I slipped into the bathroom while he was showering about five weeks after Edward's death. His grunts stopped me cold in my tracks. Angrily I tore my clothes off and slipped into the shower behind him.

"Bella what…" His voice trailed off when I cupped his erection from behind.

"I am sick and tired of you treating me like a fucking porcelain doll," I snapped. "I am not going to break if you touch me." He turned around and cupped my face in his hands. His eyes were serious.

"I almost lost you," He said. "You're still skin and bones. And…that fucking bite won't go away." His thumb swiped Edward's mark.

"You're not treating me as a woman," I said bitterly brushing his hands away. "It's killing me, Paul." I slipped from the shower and wrapped myself in a robe. He didn't follow me and I picked up my clothes. I closed the bedroom door and locked it. I heard him shuffle to the door a few minutes later, practically felt him breathing on the other side before I heard his footsteps fade. I leaned against the door and gave into the urge to cry.

"He finally let you out," Raven commented the next day. I sipped the mint tea she gave me.

"He only agreed because Jake is here," I said. "Somehow he doesn't seem to be processing the fact that the threat is over."

"You look a little healthier," she said. "Your cheeks are filling out again."

"Paul still says I am skin and bones," I said. A bitter note entered my voice and she tilted her head.

"What's going on Bella?" She asked gently. I shrugged.

"This is bothering Paul," I said brushing the still cold vampire bite. "He won't touch me." She frowned.

"It's been like a month Bella," she said. I looked away. An embarrassed blush flooded my cheeks. "Have you tried…you know?"

"I got in the shower with him this morning," I said. "He lost…interest quickly." She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"These wolves are moodier than a woman with PMS," she said. "Have you tried talking to him about it?" I shook my head.

"He shuts me down every time," I said. "I feel like my lady parts are shriveling up like an old lady's." She smiled then looked down into her tea.

"Ambush him while he is sleeping," Jake's voice said. Instantly I turned red. He moved in and dropped a kiss on Raven's waiting lips. "By the time his brain tries to catch up there won't be any blood flow." Raven laughed and Jake's hearty guffaws joined her.

That night I left the door to the bedroom unlocked. He was working late so I knew some pack member or another lurked not too far away. I was counting on them telling him the door wasn't locked. They were freakish like that. I managed to find a cute camisole and little shorts to match in a drawer from my darker days of past. I pretended to be asleep when Paul slipped into the bed next to me. I could feel his hesitation before he moved to envelop me from behind. I held my breath as his thumb pressed into a hard nipple. A hot hand then spanned my hips and too flat stomach before resting just under my breast.

"I know you're awake," he murmured into my ear. I turned slowly to face him.

"How was work?" I asked. He shrugged and skimmed my lip with his thumb.

"It was work," he said. "I was more interested in your conversation with Raven." I groaned.

"Stupid eavesdropping Jake," I said.

"He gave me quite the lecture," he continued quietly. "And a tidbit of information that could help with this." His thumb touched Edward's bite. The contrast of hot meeting cold made me close my eyes.

"What is that?" I asked swallowing hard.

"I can cover it with my own," he answered. "But I don't think it is a good idea."

"Why?" I asked. His eyes were intense.

"Venom will flood into my mouth," he said. "The chances that I will be able to control my wolf if that happens are slim. I could seriously hurt you." I moved my hair from the mark and drew his head down to it. His lips pressed the mark and a slight tremor went through him.

"Do it," I said firmly. "I can handle it." His teeth moving through the flesh hurt more than the razor precise bite of Edward Cullen. I gritted my teeth against the pain. There was a curious tugging sensation and Paul shook more in my arms. Growls came continuously from his mouth and his teeth wouldn't leave my neck. I smoothed my hands through his hair and down to caress the tense muscles in his bunched shoulders. My hands pushed his boxers from his slim hips and he kicked them aside impatiently, teeth still buried in my neck. I used one free hand to slip the shorts from my own body before lifting one leg over his hip.

He thrust into me immediately. The entry burned and stretched but I forced myself not to react. Not with his wolf so close to the surface; teeth at my neck. His growls mixed with groans as he relieved his tension on my body. His teeth sank deeper into my neck and I didn't dare move even as his aggressive thrusting started to feel good. His teeth released long enough to say my name before his hot release burst inside of me. My irritation lasted only seconds before deft fingers worked my clit for only seconds until I got my release too. Too tired, too hurt to talk I fell into blissful darkness.


	25. Instincts

"Her neck looks like a fucking chew toy!" Sam exploded when we went to see him the next day. I couldn't move my neck and I couldn't argue with his description.

"Don't yell at him Sam," I said. I took the water Emily offered. "We had to do something."

"You could have killed her!" He yelled ignoring me completely. "That bite is like a millimeter from her jugular!"

"We had to do something," Paul echoed. "The situation was becoming impossible."

"Like you withholding sex from your imprint?" Sam shouted. "Yeah I know about that. I'm not stupid."

"That is none of your business," Paul said calmly. "It's between us."

"Not when her neck looks like that!" He said. "Seriously Paul? That is the best you could come up with?"

"It worked!" Paul said.

"How the hell do you even know that?" Sam asked. I pushed back from the table.

"I don't want to hear this," I said as calmly as I could manage. "Emily can you walk me home?" I tried not to wince as I walked but I could tell by Sam's dark look as I passed that he understood. He grabbed my arm to bring me to a stop.

"Bella is staying here," Sam said. "Until her neck heals you are not allowed near her. Do you understand?" Paul bowed his head. Even I knew this was a loss. Sam could hide me behind the pack for weeks without anyone getting tired. Especially at his house. Paul moved toward me and Sam growled. Cautiously he bent his head to kiss my cheek.

"I guess I will see you in a few days," he said. I watched him leave and Sam finally released my arm.

"Please don't try to sneak out," Sam said.

"I'm not exactly ready to handle Paul right now anyway," I admitted. I waved toward my neck vaguely.

"We should probably go see Sue to get that cleaned," Emily said. Sam shook his head.

"It needs to heal with Paul's saliva still in it," Sam said. "Luckily that means it will heal faster but it won't be the prettiest scar."

In the end it took nine days to heal. It healed cleaner than we thought and it was not as conspicuous as the vampire scar. Paul stayed true to his word and stayed away the entire time. I immersed myself in work, editing manuscript after manuscript, even occasionally falling asleep on my laptop at night. Sam and Emily pretty much left me alone. He didn't say it but I could tell Sam was unsettled by the bite. Emily told me it brought of memories of how she got her scars. On the ninth day Paul showed up at the door.

"It's time for Bella to come home," he said. Sam narrowed his eyes but let him in. His eyes scanned me briefly.

"Are you done treating her like an object?" Sam asked crossing his arms over his chest. Annoyance flashed across Paul's face but he stayed fairly calm.

"Let us deal with this Sam," he said quietly. "Nothing is being solved by her staying here away from me. It's only getting the wolf stirred up."

"If I see one mark on her," Sam started. Emily put a hand on his arm.

"Bella are you ready to go?" She asked me. Paul trained his gaze on me. Slowly I nodded.

"You come back anytime," Sam said as I passed. I nodded and slipped my hand into Paul's. He squeezed mine gently. We were both quiet on the walk back to my house. Paul unlocked the door and I followed him in.

"How is it?" He asked gesturing to my neck.

"It healed pretty quickly," I answered touching it gently. "Something about wolf saliva. I stopped listening cause…well gross." He smiled.

"I shouldn't have agreed to do it," he said.

"I didn't give you much of a choice," I said. He moved forward and pressed his thumb to it gently. It was the same temperature, oddly enough.

"It's smoother than the other scar," he said quietly though I could see his breathing was quicker. I moved his hand away gently.

"Sam says the venom makes it raised," I said quietly. "It must have distributed it or removed it completely."

"It's removed," he said. "I can still taste it in my mouth." I looked away.

"I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about all of this," I said.

"I wish I had been in better control," he said softly. "I hate that you are scared of me."

"I'm scared of what I am willing to do to keep you," I whispered. He pulled me into his arms.

"We would have figured it out," he said into my hair. "We both got impatient for a solution. That's how we are. Together, well we tend to jump before we look down."

"I got frustrated," I admitted. "You wouldn't hardly touch me unless I was asleep. You wouldn't even kiss me." He lifted my chin up with his thumb. His lips brushed gently over mine twice before settling firmly. He kissed me unhurriedly and I lifted my hands to rest on his chest. We relearned the contours of the other's lips and kissed until my lips were sore.

"I'm sorry," he said against my lips. "I tend to have a harder time with my wolf than the others. Sam calls it feral but I don't know how accurate that is."

"It's because I left before," I said. "You had to rely more on your instincts. We both just never learned how to make adjustments for that. I think we seem to feel like because it was so easy for everyone else that it should be just as easy for us. But we're different."

"That we are," he said. "Let's get some sleep. I slept like hell while you were gone."


	26. Someday

_Nothing seems to be the way that it used to_

_Everything seems shallow, God give me truth, in me_

_And tell me somebody's watching over me_

_And that is all I'm praying's that_

_Someday I will understand in God's own plan_

_And what he's done to me_

_Oh, but maybe someday I will breathe_

_And I'll finally see, I'll see it all in my baby._

"_Someday (I Will Understand)" by Britney Spears_

"You're pregnant," Sue said glancing down at the stick she held between two fingers. I had been feeling sick enough that I thought I might have the flu. Instead Sue had efficiently asked me to pee into a cup then had drawn blood.

"That's not possible," I said slowly. "They told me…they said the venom…" She smiled at me indulgently.

"I don't know the mechanics," she said. "But something must have changed. You're definitely pregnant." The words echoed in my head as I drove back to the house. It was the three month anniversary of sealing the imprint. I had a nice dinner in the oven waiting for us even though I threw up twice while making it. It did smell good now though, luckily, and I warmed up some rolls to go with it.

"Are roses too cliché?" Paul asked. He held a dozen light pink roses and a bashful smile. He bent to kiss me.

"Definitely not," I said. "Sit down. Dinner is just about done."

"You still feeling gross?" He asked setting the flowers in the middle of the table before sitting down.

"I'm feeling okay now," I said. I dished up the roasted chicken with vegetables and added a few rolls to his plate. "I'm apparently pregnant," I said to the top of his head. I was halfway back to the stove when it finally sunk in for him.

"I'm sorry, what?" He asked. I turned.

"I saw Sue today," I explained. "I thought I had the flu. But I'm pregnant." His plate went flying off of the table and I flinched.

"I thought you said this couldn't happen," he snapped.

"Something changed I guess," I said. "I know as much as you do."

"We're not ready to be parents," he said. "Neither of us. We can barely function as a couple. We haven't even made love since…oh my god I think I am going to be sick." He made it to the sink. I turned my head away from him. I had done the math too. We had conceived the day he bit my neck to erase Edward's mark.

"Just calm down," I said as he rinsed his mouth out. "I can barely wrap my mind around this either."

"I practically raped you that day," he snarled at me. "I could have killed you that day and now we'll have a living breathing reminder of that? No. Tomorrow we'll go to the clinic and get rid of it." He slammed his way out of the house. I laid my hand on my flat stomach. Get rid of it? The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. We were old enough, financially responsible enough. I hadn't even wanted children until I had learned what I lost during my days with the Volturi. Get rid of it?

"No," I said out loud even though he was long gone. "No," I repeated heading for the bedroom. In fifteen minutes I had efficiently packed a small bag, grabbed my keys and was on my way to Sam's house. He would protect the baby from Paul. I knew he would. He was on the porch when I pulled up, drinking some lemonade with Emily. I paused before reaching for my bag.

"What did he do?" Sam asked, taking my bag and setting it inside the front door.

"I'm pregnant," I said.

"That's not possible," Sam said immediately. "Even Carlisle said…"

"He was wrong," I interrupted. "Paul is freaking out because it happened that night. He is saying we'll go get rid of it." I covered my stomach once again with one hand.

"No," Emily said firmly. "We won't let him anywhere near you. This is a miracle Bella." Sam nodded.

"You'll stay here," he said. "We'll make sure Paul doesn't have a chance to try to terminate the pregnancy."

Paul tried several times to "visit" me at Sam's house but I always refused to see him. I shut down nearly completely. I ate to keep me and the baby healthy but most of the time I just read manuscripts or stared blankly into space. Concern for my child was the only thing keeping me alive. I was the first of the wolf pregnancies so all of the wolves and imprints doted on me. Seth actually spent several hours a day with an ear pressed to my abdomen, counting the fluttering heartbeats of the baby. I was also the first imprint to make it through the first trimester.

I learned through Emily who had four miscarriages that many of the imprints had miscarried wolf children. There wasn't any real explanation and the histories never addressed any failed pregnancies, just the glowing successes. It wasn't until the fifth month that a bump appeared, growing exponentially into my sixth and seventh months. I was rarely without some wolf or another by my side. The demands of my pregnancy seemed to require more heat. Most nights found me burrowed between Leah and Embry to sustain the heat required for the pregnancy to flourish.

Paul stopped trying to see me. Seth let it slip once that he was at odds with his wolf, and his wolf refused to allow him to return to human form for fear for the "pup". Sam refused to talk about him at all, still irate at the suggestion of terminating my pregnancy. In my eighth month I became so large I could hardly walk the short distance to the kitchen or the bathroom. I became crabbier and crabbier until even the slightest thing set me off. They called me "Paul Jr." when they thought I couldn't hear. When my water finally broke I wasn't in the least bit scared, I was more than ready to evict this invader.

"Go get Paul," I gasped at Seth who nodded, wide eyed, as Sam helped me into his truck for the short drive to the clinic where Sue waited. I had kept the baby safe this long. Now there was nothing he could do but accept this tiny miracle.


	27. Epilogue

"Daddy look!" My beautiful 7 year old daughter yelled. I watched her turn a clumsy cartwheel and clapped appropriately. She had the best of both Bella and I: a caramel complexion, heavily lashed warm brown eyes, my high cheekbones and Bella's lush curls.

"Be careful!" I yelled as she nearly mowed over Parker, Raven and Jake's chubby five year old boy. I watched her laugh and dance around him on the lawn. A plate with a hamburger and chips appeared in my lap.

"They ran out of ketchup," Bella said shading her eyes to look for our daughter, Alex (Alexandria) among the mismatch of children running rampant. I ate the burger without it and then pulled her legs into my lap. She sighed when I rubbed her feet.

"She's going to be ridiculously tall," I said watching her next to Justin, who was born just eight months after to Sam and Emily. He was the next oldest and tallest and she still had several inches on him. Bella shrugged.

"Boys are always shorter than girls at this age," she commented. "I was like the third tallest in my class at that age."

"And now you're a peanut," I said. I dodged her halfhearted punch with a laugh. Alex's birth had woken me up. It had taken seeing her tiny face, lips puckered into an indignant scream to merge the man and the wolf. It had taken longer for Bella to forgive me. She had a hard time forgiving my willingness to get rid of the beautiful child that held so much of the both of us. Persistence won over in the end and we moved back into Bella's small cabin. I still hadn't forgiven myself. Every time Alex called me Daddy or smiled at me my heart hurt to think I could have never had her in my life.

There wouldn't be another child. Her conception truly was a miracle. Bella was a natural mother. She had always cared for everyone around her and Alex was no exception. I tended to spoil her while Bella was the firm disciplinarian. She ruled the house with an iron fist on one hand and cookies in the other.

She was more beautiful now than she had ever been to me. We made love often enough that the guys teased us about still having the libidos of teenagers. She was my other half in every way, my match in every sense.

"She's going to be a beauty," Bella commented. "We're going to have a lot of teenage boys knocking on the door once she hits high school." The thought made the wolf in me angry but the man knew that dating was normal. I just knew what teenage boys were like, having been one myself, and the thought of my daughter with a teenage me…well made me want to lock her in a tower and cut all her hair off.

"We'll be able to handle it," I assured her. She took my hand and smiled. We had both stopped running. It was time to stay put, grow roots and make sure our daughter had the life she deserved. And nothing would stop either of us, nothing.


End file.
